It’s the butterflies, the tingly sensation from my head to my toes, the smile that reaches from one ear to another, it’s my sense of happiness. Finding a guy who you can be yourself around, who makes you smile and makes you laugh, are three of the most important things in a relationship. So, when you get that feeling right off the bat, it is something you can never turn down.
I am a girl who is not a fan of relationships, who in all honestly… hates people and is a hermit who likes her tea. I like to be alone and because of my past and past experiences with guys, I have been okay with that. I am okay with being alone and frankly, I prefer it. Up until you came around.
Have you ever met someone you truly like but it couldn’t be worse timing? Or where you know you have plans and do not want someone to get in the way? Or where you are finally 100% happy with being by yourself? Yeah, well that happened to me, great eh!
I’ve known this guy from a friend of a friend for quite some time and it was an accident of how we first got in contact- although everything happens for a reason, through snapchat. As my name starts with an ‘A’, I was the first person he saw when he sent a mass snap, you know the ones that no one really looks at and you can tell that everyone got it, yeah that one. But I answered, and at that moment things changed. I changed, my perspective changed.
I am a very strong and independent woman, one who doesn’t need anyone other than herself to provide for her, to make her happy or to keep herself company. I have and do master it, I master all of it and am proud to say so. So when we starting Snapchatting for a few days in a row, I took the courageous step and asked him out on a date- crazy, I know. But to my surprise, it worked. Not only did we go on a date, and have a blast but I showed my place as a strong woman who can take the lead and usually does so.
That one date turned into ten and we are both very happy, but the best part about it all is that he’s changing me. Before you go all judgemental and start saying things that you really don’t mean… understand that I am changing in a good way; I am letting my guard down. As someone who has seen love turn to heartbreak more times than a child should in her ten years of childhood, I put up a wall. A wall that only I can let down and one that doesn’t come down very often, actually no, that’s wrong… one that has never come down. My guard is my protector and the thing that keeps me safe from the outside world and the people who can truly impact my life in a way that can destroy it. So, therefore, it takes a lot for it to come down, although this man is showing me why and how to do it myself.
As we grow up we see and start to understand what the world is like. We feel heartbreak, we see pain and we can sense fear as they are all emotions that come naturally to us all. So why is it that we tend to do two things, depending on our personality type? First off we create a wall so we can never be hurt again. Or, we allow ourselves not to feel and not to have fun. It seems there are always two options when it comes to relationships; love and fear.
I was a wall type of girl but have come to realize one very important fact about life that I keep writing about but not believing in… everything happens for a reason. I understand that for some of you reading this may think, “really, again with the clique quotes” but this is addressing an even larger statement. This is me saying to apply it to every aspect of your life. This is me saying it’ll all play out the way it should. This is me saying, honestly, saying F*CK IT, to all of the heartaches, divorces, responsibilities, bills, and life. I say F*CK IT ALL. Why should I have to worry about having a relationship with someone who can potentially hurt me in the long run when we have so much fun in the moment.How can I keep a wall up with someone who in the goodness of his heart, likes spending time with me and wants to see where our futures lead.
If you have a guard that is up for protection and you have a valid reasoning behind it, join the team, but if you want to start living your life as if you have no other, then rip it down.Take a hammer and break the boards. Allow yourself to feel, to love, to hurt and to get back up again because one day you’ll look back and realize that by letting your guard down you may have created a lifetime full of happiness for yourself. If not with a partner, then with your own self, either way, happiness is found and has filled your heart. Therefore providing a great sense of life, one you never want to end. I’m in the midst of tearing the wall down, and so far, life is great. Life is what I want. I am taking advantage of my life and what happens in it. Let me tell you, it couldn’t feel any better!
BREAK DOWN THE WALL AND LET YOUR HEART FEEL, SEE AND UNDERSTAND LIFE, BUT LIFE AS YOU WANT TO KNOW.
Originally written by Ashlyn Thomson on Unwritten