This post was originally published on Techealthiest for Healthy Narcissism Month.
I think you should apologize for being so awesome.
You don't have to be a narcissist to know certain truths about your greatness, but you should know that your greatness comes at a price.
That's right. Being the phenomenal person that you are requires that you open up your metaphorical wallet and pay up in the form of a huge apology.
I mean it. Say you're sorry even if it's just half of an apology. Then add what I'm about to recommend after you apologize.
Find someone who should receive your apology. Don't judge who deserves the apology, but it's a bonus if you choose someone in your life who supports your goals and dreams, someone who helps you be the star that you are. s
Or you can let it be a stranger, someone who you meet on the path of life who could use a little boost.
Just know that in order to maintain your amazingness, you must pay your debt.
How should you pay? By credit card? No. Paypal? Nope. Do it like this...
First, apologize immediately for your coolness, your class, your distracting beauty, or whatever it is that either imagine people see in you or you know to be true.
Just start by saying, "I'm sorry, but.."
Then, let someone else know how wonderful they are. Reflect back to them what they either do or don't see in themselves.
You and the person who is about to receive your apology both have a unique brand of awesome.
Show them that you're fully aware of their brand.
Maybe they're in denial about their awesomeness or they don't have enough life experience and self-awareness to embrace it as a personal truth.
Therefore, it's your job to enlighten them.
Basically, you can celebrate your greatness as much as you want as long as you balance this inner focus with the outer responsibility of making other people happy by pointing out the good in them.
So say to the friendly cashier at Trader Joes, "I'm sorry but...you seem very good at what you do. I would lose money for the company if i had to operate a cash register."
Randomly say to a friend who is self-conscious about her looks, "I'm sorry but...wow, you look awesome today (and always)."
A major difference between a healthy narcissist and an unhealthy narcissist is just this -- the ability to share the greatness, to have an investment in the well-being of the people who love you most, as well as strangers and everyone in between.
The healthy narcissist says to himself or herself, "People have already seen my brand of awesome. Now it's time to make someone else feel awesome, which will make me feel even more awesome in the long run."
The unhealthy narcissist says to himself or herself, "They don't deserve my compliment. What have they done for me? I still need someone to tell me I'm great first, and then maaaaaybe I'll pay a compliment."
It's your job to share the spotlight and celebrate the good in people and don't let the spotlight shine on you in this moment.
Stay on them. Reinforce how wonderful they are.
After all, you know you're awesome so why do you need to hear it again?
The advanced version of healthy narcissism would be to realize that your happiness and self-worth is actually tied into spreading love to the world, especially people who care about you and support you.
So get out there and start apologizing.
Techealthiest is an exciting blog dedicated to teaching the technology of health and happiness. Learn innovative tips and strategies for improving your relationship, including the impact of your digital world on love and marriage.
Dr. Greg Kushnick is a Manhattan psychologist in private practice. He has worked extensively with individuals and couples who grapple with the negative effects of narcissism on relationships.