Mom blogs are a guilty pleasure of mine. Some gals read gossip magazines. Some even binge watch soaps while eating bonbons. Me? I surf the web reading the latest gossip the mom world has to offer.
Some of you chicks make me feel like I’m not a such lost cause after all when it comes to walking through the most scariest hood of them all, parenthood.
However, time and time again I see moms write what I call “puff” pieces on why they end up declining certain invites last minute. These mamas always start chatting away about said event and then state some lame excuse as to why they couldn’t go. The car broke down or little Tommy ended up catching that darn stomach bug. I always end up rolling my eyes and think “bitch pleaseeeeee.” Like no, just no! I wasn’t even there and I know THAT is not what happened.
Being a mom myself, I figured it’s time the internet was graced with the TRUTH! The real reasons why your bestie with kids will not be at your next event & I promise it doesn’t involve mechanics or puke.
1. Babysitters
The logical thing most would think is to hire a babysitter. Sounds easy peasy right? Haha wrong! Have you taken a look at those babysitting sites?!?! Anxiety overload! & once you get past the fact that you have hundreds of pages to scroll through, you then start to question the logic behind half these profiles you clicked on? Sorry Rainbow with the duckface selfie profile pic, claiming she's saving up for spring break in Mexico, you are not the one to care for the future President of the United States Pokemon League!
The other half? Like I have the loot to hire some ex-doctor turned nanny or the girl who went to nursing school for 50 years that has taken every childhood class known to person. You sound like a dream come true, but until I win the lotto, not going to happen!
After all this babysitter nonsense you put yourself through every few months in hopes of interaction with folks over the age of 5, you and hubby start to re-evaluate life. Are the kids really that bad to dine with?!?! Don't answer that question, but to us we live in a delusional world where tantrums at the dinner table are less stressful to deal with than the anxiety that goes into hiring a sitter.
2. We Don't Have Grandparents Trying To Relive Parenthood Through Our Kids.
This one really gets my childless besties! I can't tell you how many times I've heard the whole " Just drop the kid off at your moms and come have a drink, I saw so and so did that the other day via Facebook!" Such statements usually result with me laughing hysterically like I'm at some sort of comedy fest. I'm convinced my childless besties think I'm a member of a secret society and have this whole separate life that they aren't part of. They all know I love wine, so who am I drinking it with?!?! Or did the unthinkable happen & I gave up alcohol?!?! The truth is I AM a member of a secret society & that society is filled with other moms and dads who have parents that don't babysit! Until the kid can walk, talk, feed, wipe, basically fend for them self, don't bother calling. Funny thing is when you start to talk to other parents, this seems to be a common thing. While we do see some grandparents reliving there parenthood years with there grandkids, the other half of us have kids with grandparents trying to relive there college years. So NO I didn't give up alcohol, if anything my wine keeps me sane! So unless you want to quietly whisper over drinkies at my crib once the kiddo is down for the count, it's a solo Twitter & wine night for this mama! Cheers!
3. No Kids Allowed
Hahahaha..... This happens a few times a year & the folks that send these comical invites are usually the ones who get there panties in a bunch when you break it to them that you won't be attending. The even funnier thing is most of the time these events are technically kid friendly! I totally get that you want to dine at Ruth Chris sans sippy cup. I wouldn't even question that type of invite, but a backyard pool party?!? A bbq?! These are the types of events kids thrive at. Who adults in a pool anyway? Every pool party I have ever attended has had more adults throwing people in pools than kids! And bbq's, it's always funny when the 8 year old kicks the middle age dude that has had one too many ass at a game of corn-hole. If anything, kids liven these types of events up! Stop being a kiddo party pooper and maybe your friends with kids would show up.
4. We Don't Even Know What Day It Is.
Working mom, SAHM, PTA Mom, Hot-Mess mom ~ it doesn't matter what category of mom you fall in, chances are if you have rugrats running around, you literally don't know what day it is! Life with kids means routine & chances are you have this routine down to a science. You have been doing it for years. You press snooze at a certain time, you already know the threenager thinks she's rockin the princess dress to preschool. Why can't my kid get it through her head that you must wear shoes outside?!?! Then you run to the kitchen to grab an applesauce squeeze or if your feeling extra fancy, a baggie of Cheerios that your toddler will most likely throw on the ground & you're out the door with seconds to spare! All of this before it's even 9am! Long story short, your day's end up blending together since you have the same exact battles daily. Drinks on Thursday with the girls? Sounds like a total blast! After the week I've had, count me in. Then Thursday comes and at around 4:30 you finally realize today is "The Thursday"! There is no way in hell you can pull off a 6pm girls night this quick. It will take that long alone to pluck your overgrown eyebrows. So you do the only logical thing & cancel. Trust me, I feel I speak for every mama out there when I say we really want NEED a girls night! We just totally forgot. It's not you, It's totally the absurd routine our little ones have us on.
5. We Are Just Straight Up Tired & Do I Dare Say Lazy?
Some days when it comes down to it, Netflix & chill, parent style sounds better than any extravagant event imaginable. After chasing kids in circles all week, a night in front of the TV where we sip on our favorite adult beverages that make us instantly pass out, only to be awakened seconds later by the coldness of our spilled beer is exactly what we crave! Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, I really really do! Your emails and text are the glue that keep me sane most days. Don't stop sending the texts, the invites, the love! I need it, we all need it. And who knows, maybe on day we will pull off the most epic girls night ever & put The Hangover to shame, but for now my couch is all I need. Rest and the few lazy moments we as parents can sneak in are pure heaven, even if they involve brewskie soaked yoga pants.
