Reader Internet Infatuation writes,
A few weeks ago I met this wonderful and attractive guy off the internet. This is are second time meeting each other online. The first time we met online we were unable to meet because at the time I Iived in South Carolina. The second time around we met I had just moved to New Jersey. He put an ad online stating that he wanted a change and he is tried of all the drama in New York where he lives and he will be in New Jersey (near me) for three weeks.
I sent him a message to his phone and within 20 minutes he responded. We texted several times because he had to help his sister along with saying let me call you back because my homeboy is calling, etc. After he told me several times that he would call back, which he did he wanted to meet that very night; but, his car that he was leasing was still in New York.
I eventually agreed to meet him late that same night and we went to a park to talk; but, somehow things got a little too far and we started making out. I said we should stop and by that time the police came and said the park is closed and we had to leave. I dropped him off at his sister home and I went home. The next morning he sent me a picture of his penis and wanted me to send pictures of myself which I didn't. I just played dumb.
He explained that he really liked me and wanted to come by my apartment. I said that is fine, but you will be sleeping on an air mattress. To make a long story short he never came by my apartment because he could not find a ride to get to my apartment. In fact, he wanted me to come get him from somewhere that's 60 minutes from where I live because he had to leave to go back to New York.
After that, I didn't hear from in three days so I texted him and said I'm just checking on you to make sure you're okay. The next thing I know I get a text message stating how much he really likes me and he wanted to have a serious relationship with me, and tells me that he is going back to school for business and starts work at his old job in two weeks. He stated that he could come on weekends to see me and that we are an hour or so from each other.
I said that is fine and we could take turns coming to see each other on weekends. He said okay and that we will talk later because he had to get in the shower. Before he got in the shower he asked me to send pictures of myself along with what my place looks like which I did in exchange for him to do the same, but he sent pictures of himself and avoided sending pictures of his place.
So I asked again for him to send me some pictures of his place. And that's when I learned that he lived with his mother. I said okay because I felt that he is trying to do something to get his life together by going back to school and starting work soon. He texts throughout the day and says he'll call later, but he doesn't.
With all this weird behavior with him should I even waste my time talking to him? I have already decided that I will not allow him to stay with me this weekend. Is it normal for a 29-year-old man to be living with his mother along with going back to school and working?
I'm sorry to tell you that this doesn't bode well. The fact that this guy lives with his mother is not the problem. The fact that he is on a dating site isn't the problem. The fact that he doesn't have a car and didn't, until recently, have a job is not the (main) problem. The problem is that this guy is a liar, and says he'll call or text or see you or send pictures of his place or what have you, and then he doesn't. The other problem is that he sent you a picture of his penis and wanted to come over, and when you said he wouldn't be staying at your apartment, he magically no longer had a way to get to you.
This guy is telling you what you want to hear. I have no idea why, maybe he's narcissistic, maybe he's immature, maybe he is involved with someone else, who knows. But you don't want to end up like this woman or this woman. Those women were screwed over by liars. You have evidence that this guy lies. He lies about when he's going to call and he lies about his living arrangements. He also uses you for getting rides and was attempting to sleep with you without being in a relationship when that isn't what you want. I am also betting that the "drama" he wanted to get away from involves one or multiple other women.
You guys are not at the same phase in life. Don't listen to his talk of a serious relationship. Where would you stay on the weekends you'd visit him? With his mom? This will end up with you putting your life on hold to let this guy visit you once every other week and text you pictures of his penis in between visits. You can do better. Also, there are a range of dating sites you can try out to find a more stable and honest guy. Maybe a more serious, relationship-oriented site would work out better for you.
Good luck and till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says, Next Time, Just Say No To Penis Pics.
This post was originally published here on Dr. Psych Mom. Follow Dr. Rodman on Dr. Psych Mom, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest. Order her book, How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family. This blog is not intended as diagnosis, assessment, or treatment, and should not replace consultation with your medical provider.