It seems like everyone on TV is talking about the Wisconsin recall election, which probably means at some point -- maybe in the elevator at work, in line at Starbucks or at the dinner table -- you're going to have to talk about it, too.
But what if you don't really understand what it's all about? You're a busy person after all, and frankly, you thought the recall election had already happened... wasn't it last year that all those people were protesting? Does it seriously take that long to get anything done in this country?
We understand. In fact, we're right there with you. That's why we've created some helpful hints to get you through just about any Wisconsin recall conversation. Remember, the person you're talking to is probably just as scared as you, so just stay calm, whip out one or more of these and you'll do just fine.
Remind anyone within earshot that the "national implications" of the recall election "can't be overestimated." Maintain a look of grave importance, then look for something on your phone until someone brings up Sunday's episode of "Mad Men."
Have a strong opinion on Obama not campaigning for Barrett in Wisconsin; doesn't matter what the opinion is as long as it's vehement.
Refer to Bill Clinton and Chris Christie stumping in Wisconsin as "bringing out the big guns," then make a fat joke. Have a beer, you're hilarious.
Say something like, "Well, I'm more concerned about what happens in the Lieutenant Governor race... that's where things could really get interesting." Employ arched eyebrows when you say "really."
Whenever there's a lull in the conversation, just say, "Well, Joe McCarthy was from Wisconsin, so what do you expect?"
Interrupt anyone who has been talking for too long by saying, "Look, it's simple math. On the one hand you have a values, and on the other, ideals. Which is more important?" Wait for an answer until things get uncomfortable.
If at a cocktail party, inform your fellow revelers that Wisconsin's state animal is the badger, then say, "Perhaps that's why Scott Walker doesn't give a fuck." Enjoy the moment of social triumph, identify someone to have sex with later.
- Name drop Tom Barrett. If you know Governor Scott Walker's opponent in the recall election, you're ahead of the game… even Barrett occasionally forgets he's running.
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