I am a woman who curses and my husband loves me. Oh, I don't do it on a daily basis; I don't pepper my speech with my infamous F-bombs every time I open my mouth. No, nothing like that. I'm not proud of it nor am I ashamed of it. It is what it is and it happens. I curse when the occasion warrants it.
For example, the time a guy cut me off by turning left from the right hand lane and then proceeded to give me the middle digit of his right hand when I hit my horn in exasperation; I cursed. Or the time I hit my injured foot on a chair; there was a scream, a stream of pain and a four-letter word repeated three times. There was also the time I waited on hold for almost an hour for a computer problem I was having and then was unceremoniously disconnected "by accident." Oh yeah, I cursed then! So, if the conditions are right, (stars aligned and all that), and I'm really ticked-off or in pain, I will curse.
The problem arises when people who hear me curse actually see my mouth emitting the bad words. People are shocked to hear me curse because of my looks. I don't look like someone who would ever say something naughty. I look like the well-bred private school girl who grew up to be a well-bred woman with excellent table manners; the kind of woman who is able to put people at ease in any social situation. In other words, I could dine with the Queen, (who I hear has a bawdy sense of humor), and fit in quite nicely.
Looks deceive, believe me. I can curse with the best of them -- better sometimes. And while my husband isn't overly fond of hearing certain words come out of my mouth, he knows that those words only come with real frustration in public.
Some men have a hard time hearing women curse. They don't mind choice words being used during foreplay and sex, but they don't appreciate those same words being said in public.
"Hearing a woman curse is a definite turn-off, " says my friend Kyle. "I don't know, it seems so low. From another guy, yeah, but a woman..."
Another man told me that any woman who would use "foul language" was rather trashy. I told him I curse on occasion. He looked at me, said, "Sure, right," laughed, and walked away.
Then there are men who think a woman who curses sound strong and powerful.
"My fiancée only curses when something really makes her mad or if she's frustrated at work. She runs a business and believe me, when she does let one go, she sounds like a person to be reckoned with. I like that about her. She's sweet but she can be tough."
A former colleague of mine thinks there are times when a curse uttered by a man or a woman is definitely warranted, but draws the line at having a Joe Pesce-character mouth simply for shock value on a daily basis. Cursing, he says, is something that should be reserved for a major problem or frustration, like changing a flat tire in a rainstorm or sitting in endless traffic. Both he and his wife have been known to utter an expletive or two in trying situations. She, I might add, also doesn't look like she would ever curse.
After polling fifteen men I know who are in solid relationships, I discovered that only three of them felt a woman should never curse. The other twelve didn't see it as a problem or felt it was -- God help us! -- "unladylike."
Truthfully, I don't really want to be someplace where the F-bombs are flying thick and fast and they are being used as adjectives, verbs and nouns. But I will concede, as Ralphie said in A Christmas Story, that the once-in-a-while, the Queen Mother of Dirty Words, the F-dash-dash-dash word, is acceptable. We're human, women who curse and the men who love us!
© 2013 copyright Kristen Houghton
"And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First" ranked in the top 100 books by Tower Books.com
Kristen Houghton is the author of the hilarious book, No Woman Diets Alone - There's Always a Man Behind Her Eating a Doughnut in the top 10 hot new releases at Amazon available now on Kindle, Nook, and all e-book venues.
You may email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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