Earlier this week, a University of Oxford study revealed that women need lengthy phone calls to keep long-distance friendships alive. This serene image conjures up notions of gossiping over the garden fence, luxurious ladies-wot-lunch hours and long chats about hair colour a la Sybil Fawlty.
Well, not in my world. Not amongst my friends. We have sh!t to do. Careers to cajole, babies to balance, parents to nurse. I have nearly known my two best friends for 35 years and I count on my non-rubber gloved hand the number of times we’ve had phones calls that exceed ten minutes.
As Generation Xers, we grew up at a time when phone calls were very costly. You would know your friend’s family’s house phone number off by heart but could only call it for a few minutes at most to determine if they were in/ could come out and play/ were available to come to your party. (My nan even had a lock on her phone throughout most of the 1980s.)
In our 20s, as we separated to different parts of the country to go to university, email was the preferred form of communication. The latest antics of dodgy boyfriends would be recounted in great detail with a sense of drama that Eastenders would be proud of. Shortly after uni, one member of our triumvirate moved abroad to live for ten years in France then China. Even then, email prevailed. Video calling came along as an option but scheduling calls across various time zones and the lag on calls meant Skype could be frustrating.
Me and my besties
Facebook landed and became an en masse smugcast signalling to the world how amazing our lives were. However, in private we emailed tales of wine and whine, perennially organising the next coming-home party. Still no lengthy phone calls though. Not on a pay-as-you-go Nokia at £1 per minute.
During our 30s, the feral friend returned to the UK, but the three of us are still disparate, one in the far reaches of Scotland, one in the north-east of England and me in Yorkshire. Recently we’ve found Whatsapp and other messaging apps to be game-changers allowing us to group chat and share snippets and thoughts as they happen. It’s the quick, day-to-day sharing that’s important. Sending a quick snap of your baby on her first bike ride, photos of the new Marmite crackers you’ve discovered, the giant boil on your friend’s back. All enough to keep the interest alive.
As we move into our 40s, who knows what technology we will adopt to maintain and grow our friendship. Whatever it is, I can’t imagine we’ll suddenly embrace long lengthy phone calls. Rather, we will continue our one very long conversation that has taken place over various medium over a lifetime.