Women vs. Trump - Should We Be Afraid?

Women vs. Trump - Should We Be Afraid?
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

There’s a lot of fear and anxiety coming up in conversation these days. When I started writing this, I was focusing on the Women’s March on Washington (and every other city center) that turned out 3 million marchers worldwide to stand up for women’s rights, but by the time I edited it a week later, pussy hats had fallen below the fold and Trump’s Immigration Ban was sucking the air out of my feed.

Even though the topic du jour seems to shift pretty quickly, one theme of my hyperventilating news feeds has been consistent for months, and that is the constant drumbeat of fear. All sides say they’re afraid -- of outsiders, insiders and each other. One can argue that fear is never far from the headlines, but something new is part of it, and that is the elevated conversation about women’s issues (discrimination, equal pay, misogyny, reproductive rights and men’s responsibilities for sexual abuse) that is breaking into mainstream discussion. One man in particular has caught the public eye for his treatment of women; our newest president, Donald Trump. And no one seems to understand how and why women react to him with such a wide variety of feelings, from fear to attraction.

After the election, one of my male friends asked, “What’s with Trump and women voters? Why did so many women vote for him?” He was referring to the fact that although only 42% of all women voted for Trump, 62% of white women without college degrees did so, despite the pussy-grabbing video that inundated the news in the weeks before the election.

I tamped down my irritation at the question and tried to explain as patiently as I could that women are no more a voting bloc than men are. Although there are cases where women act as one gender to demand change, it is rare and almost unheard of in “developed” societies. Lysistrata and Chi-Raq were comedies after all.

Still, he had a point. Why do some women react to Trump’s persona, values and misogyny, caught on tape over and over again, with such revulsion while others do not? Why do some express so much fear about what a Trump world could mean while others are brimming with hope that rationality and common sense has returned to the White House?

I’ll admit, I have a side in this war of perception. I find it appalling that a man who boasts publicly about forcing himself on women sits in the White House. But there are smart and good-hearted people I know who feel differently. They don’t see the same threats in his misogyny that I do. They believe different outcomes will result from his leadership. As I’ve puzzled on our divide, I keep circling around the question of Trump and women – should we be afraid of him?

Trump and Fear

Women’s March on Washington 2017

Women’s March on Washington 2017

D Theus

In addition to pussy-grabbing references, many of the speeches and signs at the Women’s Marches seemed to come right out of the 60’s feminist movement, despite the fact that we now have several generations of women who have enjoyed women-specific health care and the ability to manage their reproductive biology. They know what if feels like to choose when to have babies, and many have chosen to put off children until they developed a career, and more and more choose not to have a family at all. Of course there are many women who have not received such health care education and have not made these choices, in part due to concerted political efforts of those who support Trump.

Do the women who use their reproductive choices have a right to fear that these choices will be taken away by a Trump presidency? Yes, I believe they do. And I believe this “old” debate will, and must, continue until all women receive health care, education and access to family planning resources so they can make the choices that align with their values and the values of their families.

But let’s be real. Fear of our ruling party is not a new thing. I remember when President Obama won eight years ago. I had been so afraid of the wars President Bush had embroiled us in, and was hopeful that sanity had been restored by Obama’s election. Right after the election, basking in the euphoria of our first black president, I wrote my brother a heart-felt request to stop our political feud, and was greeted with fear and loathing for the president I so admired. For those who believe President Obama stood for everything they hated, the last eight years have been an exercise in managing their fear. And now it’s “our” turn again.

Anti Obama sign 2008

Anti Obama sign 2008

likeawhisper.wordpress.com

So here we are in a world where terrorism hides waiting to jump out and kill us bloodily, our rights to our bodies, our guns and our green cards are constantly under assault and both sides stew in fear and hatred justified by whatever facts feel most compelling on their news feeds. Fear drives our efforts to change ourselves, our families, our companies, our cultures and our society, and that change seems harder than it was before.

But is it harder? Should women be more afraid today?

Fear and Change

Yes, I guess I do believe that the election of Donald Trump has given some of us reason to experience deeper fear and seek harder change, but at the core of it, he is not the enemy. The enemy is the fear. Fear lives below our consciousness and gives energy to our worst demons. It eats our souls and saps our strength to bridge divides and make constructive change. It triggers the worst in who we are unless we let it go and allow ourselves to be motivated by something more positive.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

If you’re not afraid of this president, you probably were of the last, and so on through time as our democracy has swung back and forth between the parties.

The truth is that women had reason to fear before Trump, and before Obama, and before Bush and before that. And so did men.

No matter which side you’re on. No matter which fears feel scariest to you, do yourself a favor and get to know them. Get to know them intimately and lean into them until they are no longer strangers and no longer have the power to trigger you into helplessness and hatred. When you’ve released those fears, you will be a powerful voice for what you believe and you’ll have the strength to engage in healthy debate with others who believe differently. Out of such fearless dialog, real change can happen.

Do one thing every day that scares you. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Popular in the Community

Close

What's Hot