First reported by Comingsoon.net, New York's Midtown Comics, the largest comic book store in the U.S., received an interesting package from Warner Bros. on Thursday, touting the 2014 release of "Wonder Twins." The movie poster claims celebrity couple Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher were cast in the leading roles. (To assuage skeptics, Midtown comics also tweeted the poster tube that the "Wonder Twins" one-sheet was mailed in.)
The issue is that Warner Bros. has not publicly announced plans for a "Wonder Twins" movie, especially one set for release in 2014. General consensus seems to be pointing toward the poster being viral marketing for the Warner-backed "Entourage" film, which was given an official green light back in October. In earlier seasons of the HBO comedy, character Vincent Chase starred in an Aquaman movie.
HuffPost Entertainment reached out to Warner Bros. for comment on the poster, but the studio did not supply an official response. However, in honor of the mere (bad) idea of this possible 90-minute film, here are five superheroes that should never see the big screen (and the actors who should never play the leading roles).
1. SKATEMAN
Skateman, a.k.a. Billy Moon, is a martial arts enthusiast and Vietnam veteran whose life is dedicated to roller derby. After his best friend is murdered by a biker gang, Moon laces up his skates, wraps a scarf around his face and proceeds to become the inline vigilante no one ever wanted.
WHO SHOULDN'T PLAY HIM: Nick Swardson would be a perfect for the role, having mastered the art of awkwardly balancing yourself on eight wheels long ago as Terry Bernadino in "Reno 911."
A member of the Legion of Superheroes, Tenzil Kem originates from the planet Bismoll, a land where his kin were forced to develop the ability to eat anything and everything in order to survive. Matter-Eater Lad also wins the award for the dumbest name ever.
WHO SHOULDN'T PLAY HIM: Tom Cruise once joked about eating placenta after daughter Suri was born, so he'd be as good as anyone.
A Marvel mutant, Doreen Green is exactly what she sounds like, sporting a bushy tail and those terrifying, vacant eyeholes. Squirrel Girl's powers include being an expert at jumping between trees and the ability to command her tree rat relatives to rip her enemies apart, limb by limb (or something like that).
WHO SHOULDN'T PLAY HER: In a recent interview with "VH1," Paris Hilton revealed that she has 35 pets, including six ferrets and four sugar gliders. Clearly well-versed in rodent speak, Hilton could recruit Sneezy The Squirrel to play the role of the superhero's sidekick, Monkey Joe.
4. LEATHER BOY
Misinterpreting the Great Lakes Avengers call for "men and women of action," Leather Boy is the only candidate who was denied a spot on the team, consequently becoming their arch-rival. He is a leather fetishist who is every bit of BDSM badness your dirty mind can imagine, ball gag and all.
WHO SHOULDN'T PLAY HIM: Known as one of Hollywood's biggest bad boys, Robert Downey Jr. has admitted to being a "serial masturbator." While he may have outgrown that phase of his life, perhaps he could draw on it for the character.
5. DOGWELDER
So, get this: Dogwelder is this maniacal freak who runs around wearing a welding mask, and welds dead dogs to the faces of criminals. Where is this guy getting all these dead dogs, and how does one even go about welding a dog to a face? You know what, not even going to touch this one.
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