You might not realize it, but your co-workers can tell a lot about you based on the lunch you eat. They see that air of superiority when you're eating your homemade organic kale chips. Or maybe you don't eat lunch until 5:00? They get that too: You're such a harder worker than everyone else.
Just so you're clear on how your co-workers perceive you, we've compiled the definitive list of office lunches and what they really say about you. Find your most common midday fare below, and then learn what your officemates are thinking when you unwrap the tin foil on that bi-weekly burrito.
After all, you are what you eat.
The "I Only Have $3 To My Name" Lunch
The meal: A single slice of pizza.
Alternatives: Instant oatmeal, hanging around outside a conference room to try to get free leftovers from a catered meeting.
The “I Have No Respect For Your Sense Of Smell" Lunch
The meal: Hard-boiled eggs and tuna salad.
Alternatives: Street meat, Italian-style deli sub.
The “I’m A Ridiculously Hard-Worker" Lunch
The meal: Vending machine Doritos, M&M's and Coke. Maybe a few almonds thrown in for a well-balanced meal.
Alternatives: No lunch at all, sending a tweet saying you wished Starbucks delivered.
The “Look How Together My Life Is” Lunch
The meal: Gourmet lunch made at home and packaged in glass containers.
Alternatives: Using the office kitchen to actually make something fresh.
The "I'm Definitely Not Like You" Lunch
The meal: Single roast turkey leg.
Alternatives: Lima beans, a can of anchovies.
The “Please Give Me A Raise” Lunch
The meal: Ham sandwich, probably for a number of days in a row.
Alternatives: No lunch at all, Chef Boyardee microwaveables.
The “Look How Basic I Am” Lunch
The meal: Chopped salad.
Alternatives: Kale salad, smoothie, non-fat frozen yogurt.
The "I'm On A Juice Cleanse, See?" Lunch
The meal: Kale, pineapple, ginger, lime, cucumber juice.
Alternatives: Ginger, pumpkin, celery root, agave juice. Almond milk.
The "I Was So Drunk Last Night" Lunch
The meal: Bagel sandwich and a Gatorade.
Alternatives: Pedialyte, hard-boiled egg.
The “I Am Getting Drunk Tonight” Lunch
The meal: Chipotle burrito.
Alternatives: Loaf of bread, fried chicken and french fries.
The “I Am Getting Drunk Now” Lunch
The meal: Three martinis during an inexplicably long break, followed by nap.
Alternatives: Desk whiskey, company-provided beer.
The “One Lunch Now, One Lunch Later” Lunch
The meal: Pad thai.
Alternatives: A full delivery pizza, Chinese takeout.
The “I Just Went Gluten Free But I'm Not Entirely Sure What That Means Yet" Lunch
The meal: Gluten free split pea soup.
Alternatives: Salad, sandwich with bread thrown away.
The “I Make More Money Than You” Lunch
The meal: Sushi platter.
Alternatives: Kobe beef cheeseburger with foie gras, Beluga caviar and champagne.
The “Fuck It” Lunch
The meal: McDonald's Quarter Pounder.
Alternatives: Taco Bell, bottle of Jack Daniel's.
The “I Just Got Fired” Lunch.
The meal: Taco Bell.
Alternatives: McDonald's, vodka.
The “I Am A Huge Asshole" Lunch
The meal: Stolen sandwich from the work fridge.
Alternatives: See above for the "The 'I Have No Respect For Your Sense Of Smell' Lunch." Pretty much anything while your desk neighbor is dieting.
The “Oh Crap, It’s Already 6:00” Lunch
The meal: Nothing. You missed lunch.
Alternatives: Expensing meal to company, falling asleep, taking a chill pill.