There's nothing like a tough personal challenge to remind us that we're only human. Baseball is tough enough without the personal challenges. Mentally it's difficult. Emotionally it's difficult. Our blood, sweat and tears go into this sport. What you don't see behind closed doors is how human we are. We're not robots. We don't like failing. We don't like losing. And when we see things happen on the field, whether it be our fault or not, it's very frustrating.
I've had a lot of frustration this year. I've had a lot of hurt, and not just in my body. My heart's been hurt. My soul's been hurt! And it wasn't something that I was expecting. You come away from a world championship year like we had, and you walk back in expecting to have an awesome season. But it's been so up-and-down, what with my arm hurting, and then another blowout of another knee.
The theme for me this year has been trust. God has been telling me to trust Him.
Obviously, I started this season trusting Him. Of course I trust God! But He turned up the heat on me. It's easy to feel the trust when things go our way. When things don't go exactly as we planned, we find out that trust is really hard. I'm going to be really honest with you. In my flesh, it's very hard to trust this guy we call God, this God that we don't necessarily see, or have audible conversations with.
I know His word is true, and I know what my soul feels when I truly trust Him. But still, it's really hard sometimes.
Jesus says, "I've come for those who are sick. Those who are healthy don't need doctors. I've come to heal those who are broken-hearted." Well, I've needed my doctor this year. I really have. I've loved Jesus my whole life, and a lot of good things have happened. My bride and I have been married for 16 years. I have three wonderful boys, high energy boys, and yes, they do cause me physical pain sometimes! I've had a great career. I've had an unbelievable experience in San Fran, and I've had great teammates that I truly, truly love. I have all these good things, but there are still times when I need my doctor. Times when I need my daddy. And I feel like I've had that this year. I've really needed to lean on Him.
I have no problem telling God I'm angry. There might be theology out there that says you can't do that. But I'm going to tell you right now, I rip my clothes and scream at the King all the time. And it's okay. Because my heart opens up and He says, "That's what I'm looking for. Open your heart to me. I want to heal it, and I will, as long as you can trust me."
No one said being a Christian is easy. No one said that if you became a Christian, all your problems go away. I read something the other day that I will never forget. It said, when you start looking at all your problems, remember to start worshipping the problem-solver. That was huge for me. That's been my year. In this scenario of trust that God asked me to walk in, He said to me, "You need to learn to adore me more."
We often ask God for the things that we want, and we are thankful when we get them. We have all these moments of asking and thanking, asking and thanking. But we don't remember to have a simple time of adoration for our God.
So I started to do that this year. And I'm continuing to do it. This year's knee injury came at a really bad time, just as my arm was just starting to feel better, and just as everything was starting to go a little bit better. I had to step back and say, "Abba, Daddy, I need you. I need you to be my strong tower. I need you to be my strength and my deliverer. I need you to be my all-knowing God and remind me that you know everything. Because Abba, Daddy, I feel like I've been abandoned."
And that's truly how I have felt at times. Sometimes I have to purposefully remember that I have not been abandoned. I'm a member of the family of the King of Kings, to whom He has said, "I am your father. I will never leave you, nor will I ever forsake you."
God is for us. He's for me. There's this aroma that I have to remember. It's the aroma of Christ. It's that feeling that we can trust Him. Our circumstances may not be what we want, but He makes all things work together for good. Trust Him.
It is so difficult at times. I read in scripture to trust the Lord with all my heart, soul, and mind. His Word tells me to lean not on my own understanding. The scripture says trust Him, because in all my ways, He will make my path straight. And I have to say, man, you are right. I can't lean on my own understanding. Because I don't understand. I don't understand why this season went the way it went. Some of you might not understand why your job's not going the way it's supposed to be going. Or your marriage isn't going the way it's supposed to go. Or school's not going right. Or things are falling apart. We don't always understand that. And that is why God says, "Run to me. I am your rock. I am your strong tower. I am the person you can hide in. I will protect you."
And we have to trust that! We have to! Because if we fight, if we don't trust God, if we take our own way, then it will get harder. It will.
When I can get into that avenue of trust, sitting, even laying in the sanctuary of my King, then I can say, "Abba, Daddy, you're right. Your burden is easy and your yoke is light, and I can come to you for rest." I start to feel the Holy Spirit take over, and my heart fills with joy.
And so that's been my year. I have had to learn to step back and trust. I have had to learn to lay before my God until my heart opens up and He says, "Yes. Jeremy, that's what I'm looking for. Trust me. And that truth will set you free."
If you don't trust the truth, it can't set you free.
I have really been tested this year. But I know my God is going to come through. It's all going to work together for me. I love Him, and I trust Him, and I adore Him, and He is my God and King.
So I'm asking you, trust. If you need Him, if you don't feel Him, then trust Him. You've gotta trust that aroma. I'm not going to guarantee that you will see God right now if you ask Him into your heart. I'm not going to guarantee that you'll find Him sitting right there on the hood of your car. I'm not going to say that you will hear His audible voice. You won't necessarily see some bright light. But you will feel Him in your heart. It will heal. Something inside of you will feel real joy. The joy that is true.
And it all comes from trusting. Trusting our King.
Jeremy Affeldt, pitcher for the three time Baseball World Champion San Francisco Giants and Major League Pitcher for 14 years, retired from playing baseball last Sunday. His streak of 22 consecutive scoreless appearances in the post season trails Mariano Rivera's mark by only one. He is an all-time leader in postseason ERA, with a minimum of 30 innings, with an 0.86.
He follows the belief that "No Man Shall Live For Himself" and "Love Your Neighbor as Yourself." Jeremy is a humanitarian, philanthropist and is co-founder of Generation Alive. He works to end human trafficking, feed the hungry and end poverty. He is the author of To Stir A Movement, Life, Justice, and Major League Baseball. His second book is expected to be released in 2016. Follow him on twitter @JeremyAffeldt. and @GenerationAlive