For all the things you can thank your mother for, add this to the list: At least she never took a sexy selfie with you in the photo.
Some moms did and the results aren't pretty.
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Before You Go
Flask That Looks Like Tampon
Calendars.com
Moms spend so many hours watching inept soccer games and half-assed piano recitals, it's a shame they have to do it sober. But flasks are so obvious, which is why this device is so brilliant. It's a tube that slips inside of a tampon-shaped sleeve. It's foolproof! People will think Mom is sticking a tampon to her lips when she's really sipping on a gin and tonic.
Shark Costume Hat
Overstock.com
Even the humblest mother likes to show off a sense of style. So this hat that looks like a shark is biting off her forehead will help your mom feel glamorous, even on bad hair days.
Marvel Comics-Themed Sleeping Bags
SelkBagUsa.com
Your mom is a real-life superhero who fights neverending battles against messy rooms and unhealthy meals. Now she can continue her battles against your cluelessness while clad in a walkable sleeping bag designed to look like Captain America, Iron Man or Spider-Man. Honestly, the Hulk one may not be a good idea. You wouldn't like Mom when she's angry.
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Giant Robot Plates
CalamityWare.com
Dinnerware is the hallmark of a classy kitchen, but many of the designs on plates are boring and humdrum. How about spicing your meals up with dishes that feature images of UFOs, sea monsters or giant robots attacking a city?
Pee Pocket
ThePeePocket.com
At some point in every mom's life, she has to take a whiz. But it's not always in a clean or sanitary place. The Pee Pocket will allow your mother to take a stand against dirty toilet seats by letting her answer nature's call while standing up.
X-Ray Mitt
Fun.com
Oven mitts, as useful as they are, usually lack style or panache. Your mom is sure to be the star of the county fair bake-off when she takes her trademark peanut butter cookies out of the oven using a glove that has an X-ray of a human hand on it.
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I Am Weird I Love Weird Pillows
Etsy.com
You can't go wrong with this pillow case set: Either one probably fits your mom (and your dad). Plus, isn't it better that we get these things out in the open?
Drunk Owl Wine Bottle Holder
HomeWetBar.com
Does your mother love nature as much as she loves wine? Then she is sure to love this bottle holder featuring an alcoholic owl. She'll be sure to ask, "Whooooo wants to get drunk?"
Dancing Sloth Throw Pillow
Overstock.com
Nothing brightens up a couch or bed like a throw pillow showing a pole dancing sloth. Nothing! Seriously, you can look it up.
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Scarab Bracelet
IconStyle.net
Jewelry is a great way to show Mom how much you love her, but diamonds are so ordinary. No mom will be bugged by this bracelet made from the carcasses of 10 dead beetles. It's a steal at only $3,950.
Flask Purse
HomeWetBar.com
Your mom has been waiting for you to clean up your act for years, so why should she have to wait 30 minutes in a crowded bar for a cocktail. Thanks to the flask purse, she doesn't have to -- at least not for the booze. It's stylish, tasteful and holds a helluva lot of liquor for the size.
New York Strip Steak Stud Earrings
www.aftcra.com
Unless your mom is a vegetarian, she probably won't have a beef with the child that gets her these lovely steak stud earrings.
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Dino-Pet
Biopop.com
Is your mom a crazy cat lady? (It's OK. Your secret is safe with me). This is a much cleaner alternative. This plastic dinosaur glows in the dark thanks to bioluminescent plankton. The result is less cuddly than a kitty, but a lot less messy.
Octeapus
Fun.com
Tea bags have their place, but they aren't as fancy as having the tea infused with a plastic octopus. It will add a touch of whimsy to those moments where it's just you and her having a cuppa while she silently criticizes your life choices.
Moosedrop Earrings
MainelineProducts
Does your mom have crappy taste in jewelry? Make it obvious with these lovely earrings made from actual moose droppings.
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Chocolate Salami Bouquet
Olympia Provisions
You could get your mom a bouquet of flowers, but they probably aren't as delicious as a bouquet made of chocolate salami. To be clear: It's chocolate that looks like salami, not salami that tastes like chocolate.