Yankees Team Doctor Reluctantly Clears A-Rod to Resume Career Tailspin

New York Yankees team physician Dr. Christopher S. Ahmad announced today that he had no choice but to clear Alex Rodriguez to play after the perennially underperforming third baseman completed his post-surgery rehab assignment without any setbacks. "Don't shoot the messenger," implored Dr. Ahmad, "we all knew this day was coming." At a gloomy press conference held shortly after the announcement, manager Joe Girardi acknowledged that A-Rod would begin swinging at pitches out of the zone, popping up to short, and tapping weakly into double plays as soon as he rejoins the team. "Alex has fully recovered from the hip operation," said Girardi, "and unfortunately we expect him to play at the exact same level as he did before the operation."