The Year In Bad Sex

The Year In Bad Sex

Good sex is great, but it's never as hilarious as bad sex. Luckily, 2013 provided no shortage of bad sex to entertain, confuse and horrify us.

Family Affair
The family coming together is not always a good thing. Terry Antone Jenkins, 25, learned this the hard way in September, when he was involved in a three-way with his girlfriend and her cousin. The South Carolina man allegedly became enraged after he "finished" and the two kissin' cousins continued on with each other. Cops say Jenkins dragged his girlfriend off of her cousin by her hair before hitting and kicking the other woman. He was charged with domestic violence.
The Future Is Coming
Here's an alarming development in the sexual world that happened in 2013: A robot that gives hand jobs.
You Can Do It, But They Won't Help
Charleston County
It's possible this couple saw "screw aisle" and got confused. Emily Craig, 20, and 31-year-old Shaun Bowden were nailed laying some pipe inside a shed at a Home Depot in South Carolina in August. Craig pleaded guilty, but Bowden failed to show up at trial. He was tried and convicted anyway, and the court put a bench warrant out for his arrest.
Tyrannosaurus Sex
If you long for horrible sex from bygone millenia, fear not! Dinosaur erotica is available. Earlier this year, Christie Sims and Alara Branwen published multiple tales of dino bones, sporting such titles as "Taken by the Pterodactyl," "Taken by the T-Rex," and "Taken at the Dinosaur Museum."Branwen spoke to the Huffington Post and told us some of the secrets of veloci-rapture:"Short arms are also why male T-rexes are the most voracious in looking for mates," she said. "They can’t 'relieve themselves' by themselves, so they have to have someone “help them,' if you know what I mean."
Revving The Engine
Daniel Cooper via Facebook
A Welsh man who goes by "Hotcock" was convicted in September for sex with a Land Rover. Daniel "Hotcock" Cooper" was caught on surveillance video getting naked before grinding up against a blue 4x4 Land Rover Discovery. Later that day, he got naked again at a kebab shop and tried to get nasty with the counter.
More Cushion For The Pushin'
Waukesha County
Gerard Streator was actually caught having sex with a couch on the side of the road in 2012, but he pleaded guilty this year. His punishment for taking the term "love seat" too literally was five months in jail, plus being barred from possessing "pornography of any kind."
Stable Relationship
Wharton County
In February,documents came to light indicating that Texan Andrew Mendoza had sex with a horse because he "was trying to make the horse have a baby." In a signed statement wherein he graphically detailed his encounter with the horse, Mendoza went on to explain, "I was thinking it would have a horseman baby. I ain't going to lie, I blew a nut in the horse."
Use A Rubber… But Not Like This
Butler County Sheriff
Edwin Tobergta is nothing if not faithful. In 2013, he was convicted of stripping naked in full view of several children and having sex with an inflatable pool raft -- the same inflatable pool raft he was arrested for shagging in 2011.He's not a strictly one-toy man, though. In 2002, he was arrested for allegedly diddling an inflatable pumpkin that was part of a Halloween display.
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