Yep I'm fat! You heard me right! I said it. I. A.M. F.A.T.! What you gonna do about it?
We live in a world where fat is bad word. It's used as an insult. We say it when we're judging someone else. We say it when we're judging ourselves. It doesn't have a specific number or look. It's totally subjective to opinion. Anyone's opinion. And we all have one! An opinion about what being fat really means. For me, since this is my article, fat is simply a descriptor of a person. My husband is the tall skinny guy with curly hair. I used three descriptors. Tall, Skinny, Curly. Lucky for him none of those words have a negative connotation. Now let's describe me. Kellie is short, fat and has short blonde hair. Unlucky for me... all of those words have a negative connotation.
But why?
I've been fat pretty much my whole life. When I was 10, I started getting larger. I was the largest girl in every gym class, in all of my friendship circles, and pretty much in every social situation I was involved in. There was some teasing. Once someone said my maiden name Frank was like Ballpark Franks- "Because I was as big as a ballpark!" That was 5th grade and I remember it today. Even the butt head kid who said it. In 7th grade, another boy attempted to say something derogatory about my size and I snapped back something snarky. The rest of the class laughed at how fast I shut it down. I don't remember what was said. Just that it made it go away and through high school I never heard a word about my size again. At least not to my face! I was fat. But I played softball (badly- but I played). I was the top soprano in the school. I danced in musical theatre productions and show choirs without any formal training. I walked home from school. I rode my bike all over the neighborhood with my friends. I was fat. I knew it. But it didn't stop me from being awesome!
Why? Because I didn't care that I was fat! I was just me!
Look it's only society that says being fat is bad. Society makes me out to be a fried chicken lovin', ice cream carton eatin', sweatin', non-showering, deep couch sitting lazy slob who doesn't give a darn about anything but her next cheeseburger. But that doesn't describe me at all. That is so far away from who I am that it's laughable. Are there people like this? Yes! Are there people who have an unhealthy relationship with food? Yes! Am I one of them? NO! I get up and put my pants on one leg at a time just like every other person on this planet. I chase toddlers, walk miles and miles, and execute events that require hours of standing, walking, and lifting. I am strong. I am capable. I am beautiful and I am fat!
I remember sitting in events with women of all shapes and sizes. Every single one of them hated how fat they were. They worried if their husband would continue to love them. Of course, being the largest girl in the room and listening to this was mind-boggling. Hey! Look at me over here. I'm twice or three times your size... if you're talking about how your size 10 makes you feel fat... come on over here and try on this size 26 and give it shot! Inevitably, I'd speak up. Why can't you just love yourself the way you are? Why are we always attempting to change our appearance? Who are we trying to please?
Please hear me. I'm not saying health is not important. I've recently lost over 100 pounds myself. Weight loss was a giant brain bomb for me. It was difficult because although I knew I needed to get healthy for my future it went against all of the things I had told myself all of these years. I didn't hate my body before. I felt loved, sexy, and wanted by my husband. Honestly, I've had more troubles with my body image after weight loss. But I knew that in order to be healthy for years to come I needed to make some changes. I did that by eating things I knew were good for my body. And it's made a huge difference. But guess what? I stopped losing. I didn't stop eating properly really. But I hit a weight loss wall. I can't seem to go below this size. I never have! And honestly I probably won't. Why's that? Because I'm fat! I'm just a fat person.
And guess what? That's OK!
I can buy clothes that make me look beautiful. I can look at myself and feel good in what I choose to wear. I can present myself as someone who is confident, strong, and worthwhile. That's on me. The person you believe me to be is of my making! I project to you the person I want you to believe I am. So when you're done talking to me the last thing you would say is well Kellie is short, fat, and blonde. Because I have given you the descriptors to use for me by who I told you I am.
Kellie is strong. Kellie is confident. Kellie is authentic. Kellie is brave. Kellie is human. Kellie is annoying. Kellie is...whatever! I can be whatever I want to be!
If you go into any social situation being apologetic that the word fat is your descriptor, then they are going to describe you in this way! Because that is what society tells them to do. That is what you are telling them to believe of you!
You don't have to accept someone else's perception of you! Forget That Crap! No one gets to tell you who you are! What you believe about yourself is who people will believe you are!
Society as much as we hope and pray it will change just isn't going to. Just look at your social media feed. How many girl bosses sell some kind of product to make you less fat. It's constant. If you're not feeling the pressure to eat clean, p90x, wrap it up, slather it on, or pill pop... you don't have eyes! I'm not against these approaches. If you feel like it's what you'd like to do for self care. BUT... Do you have to? You see, you are capable of loving yourself before your 90 day results. You are capable of accepting every stretch mark, love handle, and fat biscuit. It's not easy! No one likes to accept that they are not heading towards perfection. We live in a world where striving for perfection is the only acceptable means for living. But it's not healthy!
I'm probably never going to be less than a size 16! So I choose to love myself today, right now, and exactly as I am. Whether I lose one more pound or gain ten more. I choose to surround myself with people who love fat Kellie. I choose to project my beauty and strength. I choose to tell other people who I am by how I feel about myself. I choose to feel beautiful even if I don't look the same as societies view of beauty. That's on me! I Choose Fat Kellie! And that's should be enough!
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