Feeling alone? Is that truth? Are you truly alone? Are anyone of us every truly alone?
This life can feel so fragile. One minute you're sipping a mocha or kombucha, then next thing you know, you've been flipped upside into paranoia, depression or anxiety. For me, the big trigger is relationships. For many reasons, I struggle with them, yet they are what I yearn for the most.
As I write this, it's winter in Minnesota. I sit in a coffee shop, pretending to watch the snow fall, because I'm really just wiping the tears from my face. I receive another hurtful text message from someone, telling me I'm selfish, that I'm a waste of time.
Am I waste of time? Am I lost cause?
Another car drives by with a Christmas tree strapped to the roof. The emotions begin to stir.
"Maybe I should just go and buy a tree by myself. Yeah, I'll do that. I'll put on a fun movie and bake cookies. I don't need to make a whole production of it! I don't need a man or to wait for my son to be home!"
Yet, here I sit, in a coffee shop just because I don't want to be home alone. I sat and ate the same meal for two days, didn't shower and slept on the couch, because I didn't want to go get ready for bed, knowing I would be alone.
Where's the value in moments like this? How do you not curl up in a ball and just melt into the couch, fading away the memories of the hurtful words, the people who tell you that you feel too much...everything's happening because of you.
Well, my friend, you realize that everything is happening because of you. You an choose to attach to these feelings and claim them as truth or not. I'm not saying to simply dismiss them. Remember, feel all the feels. I'm only serving as a messenger here to remind you...
Our issues embed in our tissues.
You feel alone, but if we are one, then we are never truly alone. If you choose to declare, "I AM alone," then you are embedding an untruth into your body. This is out of alignment from what is truth, so we feel discomfort or dis-ease, which can then manifest into disease.
Here I sit, feeling the resistance. Another text comes through, telling me I will never be happy with anybody.
Is this truth? Well, no. I'm happy with my son. I'm happy with my friends and family.
Errrrrch...then I recall the family members who I don't have a good relationship with. I start to eternalize the hurtful comments.
These stories we tell ourselves are just untruths that have come into our awareness to help illuminate misalignment on our journey. If we choose to claim it as truth and embed these issues into our tissues, then this discomfort can manifest into 'DIS-EASE' within the body. This can leave us feeling tired, lethargic, lacking energy or worse. No judgment, as this is neither right nor wrong, but what if there were another way?
No need to go down the path of regret. This is an opportunity for us. Why don't good relationships exist with those certain people? Are you hanging on to guilt or shame? Are you believing untruths that they have told you? Did you speak untruths to them? This is where the excavation and healing can occur! The issue in my tissue that is getting triggered from this person telling me I'll never be happy with anyone else stems from pain I'm holding onto from my relationship with my parents, a friend I had a falling out with who is now dying of cancer, the marriage that ended and so on.
Let us use challenging experiences to serve as reminders of our mission here, a catalyst for healing. In this moment, all I want is to be numb. To curl up in a ball and lose myself in reruns of reality TV. There's no growth in that though, my dear. I signed up to be here and I know that I have everything I need to rock this life. I am never alone on this journey, as we are one.
For now, I'll order another sugar-laden mocha-frappe-deliciousness. I'll smile as the cute circle of high school girls giggles while working on homework together. I won't declare separation from them, feel like I'm lacking what they have or use it fuel the illusion that I'm sitting here alone. We are mirrors for one another. Those girls are mirroring an experience of feeling free from the adult pressures of this life, the knowing that I do have those girlfriends who truly enjoy giggling with me as we ponder over life homework together. Those friends who truly enjoy my presence.
But, first I must truly enjoy my own presence, knowing that the love I see in those giggling girls or the cute couple by the fireplace, is a mirror of the love within me. It's not something I need to chase after or be jealous of. Peace is within and we are Spirit embodied. We are love and we are loved. We are never alone, sweet soul!