I'm not the one to usually fall for guys. I'm not the girl that can easily go from relationship to relationship. Or settle for just anyone. I have a huge heart, and love deeply, but not many get the opportunity to see that side of me. It's a side I keep to myself, and you have to be pretty special to change that. But in that rare occurrence that I actually do like a guy, I'm all in, and I fall hard.
I really liked you. I would have given you the world. I often think about what the future would be like if you were mine. The adventures we would go on, the dinners I would have made you, all of the little things I would have done for you. My favorite thing was making you smile, I knew exactly how to do it, and I would do anything just to make it happen. I still think of you when one of the songs we used to ride down the road singing together comes on. Or when I see a pretty sunset. I don't even know if you realize how deeply I cared for you. I don't know how you could be so oblivious, I thought it gleamed all over my face. You made me smile, you made me laugh. I was my complete and total self around you. I could have always been by your side, I never got sick of you. In my eyes you were "my person". You were the one I wanted to talk about my day with, the one I wanted to spend my free time with, the one I ultimately saw a future with.
But, to you, I was just a person to fill that empty void. It was all about convenience for you. I was "that person" not "your person". I wasn't the girl you would ever take home, or the one you wanted to show off in public. Although I definitely deserved that from you. No, I was the girl that was always kept a secret, the one who you would have around when I was the only one to have around. You had this way of being able to make me feel that we would eventually become something, and SO badly I wanted to believe that. But I think in the back of my mind, I always knew we never would. I made you a priority, when I was never that for you. Maybe that was silly of me. But I don't regret our time together. It wasn't a waste of time, or a mistake. We made some good memories and I learned a lot from you.
You made me take a second look at myself, and my self worth. I'm actually madder at myself than I ever will be at you. I'll never again put myself in a situation where I am second best, or a hidden secret. I deserve far better than that, and you helped me realize that again. I'm a hopeless romantic, it's true. I believe that fairy tale romances do exist, and that everyone has their own person who was made especially for them. As much as I wanted you to be that guy, you're not. And that's something I'm finally coming to terms with. You weren't a bad guy, in fact you were a great guy. You just weren't my guy.
For whatever reason we didn't work out; you could have been scared, or maybe you just actually didn't feel the same way I did. Either is fine, in fact, it doesn't matter right now either way. I think one day you'll realize what we could have had. Who knows, maybe 10 years down the road, we will meet again. Or we might go seperate ways, without ever knowing what could have been. But, I refuse to let myself wait around for something that might never happen. Or for someone who doesn't know a good thing when they have it. Instead I'll believe that everything happens for a reason, and life has a funny way of working things out. God has this one under control.
This doesn't change the way I view myself. I don't mean to brag, but I personally believe that I'm a darn good catch. I'm honest, kind, outgoing, and I love with my entire heart. I know my worth and I know what I deserve. I know I deserve a man who will love me unconditionally. Who will be there no matter what. He will never make me question if I am the only one, or whether or not he loves me. That man will be deserving of what all I have to offer and that man is out there.
I wish nothing but the best for you. I have no hate in my heart towards you, honestly I have nothing but love. But, you truly are missing out on a girl who would have given you the world.