Parenting

You Might Be In Your Third Trimester If...

From the first moment that stick shows two lines you count down the weeks till your new baby is here. You count down the weeks till that sweet baby is in your arms. You survive the first-trimester nausea, you handle the second trimester with its round ligament pain and fun kicks, and then BOOM you are in your third trimester. You can see the end. The sun is a little brighter. You are just weeks away from meeting your baby. However as exciting as this time is, the third trimester comes with its own mess of symptoms. So... You Might Be in Your Third Trimester If....

1) You spend more time peeing than anything else during the day. This is not an exaggeration to make you chuckle. It’s the honest to God truth. Granted this is my second child, so my bladder has already been used as a trampoline for 9 months by a baby... but sometimes I will pee, sit back down, and immediately have to pee again. I haven’t peed my pants yet this time... but I still have 8 weeks so I’m sure it’ll happen.

2) You feel as if you have hit a brick wall of exhaustion by about 11am. My family knows to not speak to me till those first few sips of coffee hit my soul, and then I’m good for about 4 hours. After that I am so tired (probably from having to get up to pee so darn much) that the rest of the day is pure torture. Sometimes I’m showered and in my pajamas by 3, counting down the seconds till bedtime and all it’s beauty comes. Everyone tells you about the exhaustion you will feel in your first trimester, but to me, that does not even compare to the 3rd trimester. Add in a toddler and a husband who works a lot...and I look/feel like an extra on The Walking Dead.

3) Your hormones have a life of their own. You will most likely go from crying to enraged in about 30 seconds. Everything and everyone will annoy you. Seriously my husband once complained his neck was sore... I cried and then screamed at him that he has no idea what sore is until he has a 4-pound child using his sciatica as a punching bag. Sometimes my toddler’s breath will send me off on a tantrum too. Really anything. I forgot my credit card at target the other day so I didn’t get my 5 percent discount and I was teetering on the ledge of emotional breakdown and blind rage. Don’t even try to apologize for this.. the people who have been pregnant get it.... the rest NEVER will.

4) You don’t want anyone to touch you. Sorry but I have shared my body 24/7 with a little person for the past 31 weeks... I don’t want to share it with anyone else. I don’t want a “back rub” from my husband ( seriously guys we know what you are up to when you offer one of those up). I don’t want my toddler crawling up the side of me, which she senses and does even more so now. I just want 30 seconds alone, on the rare occasion that happens this little womb raider makes her presence known.

5) The floors in your house are littered with things you dropped but refused to pick up. Long ago are the days when I just bent down and grabbed that dropped pen. Now I pray my toddler doesn’t see it laying on the floor and use it to decorate our walls. I don’t even care anymore. Are those chips on the carpet? Probably! I also stopped giving my kid baths because bending over the tub 8 months pregnant should be an Olympic sport.

6) You know how you can be full but starving all in the same second. It’s no secret, I love food. It’s my happiness, a loaf of bread can change the route of my day. I don’t get weird pregnancy cravings, you won’t find me dipping olives in ranch or anything crazy. I just want to eat all day. The problem is by the time your third trimester rolls around you are STARVING 24/7 but you also are so full after 2 bites. It is an odd sensation. You feel full but you just want to keep eating. I once cried because I couldn’t finish my cinnamon bun from Panera.

7) Chances are you have given up shaving anything below your armpits. I am one for personal hygiene. I don’t get the whole not shaving thing for women. I mean listen to each their own but I hate hair on my legs. I was blessed because I’m probably the only Italian in the world who can go over a week before my legs even show stubble. It’s clearly some weird hormonal imbalance, but hey I’ll take it. Now I’ve just given it all up, and I dare someone to say something. Have you tried to shave in the shower with a beach ball in front of you? Sure I could take a bath, but I have to strategically plan those out when my husband is home because he has to help hoist me out of the deep tub afterwards. It’s like the scenes from documentaries where they are moving the whales from captivity to the wild....not pretty.

8) Those really cute maternity clothes you spent a fortune on don’t fit. I’m one of those weird people who can’t wait to get a bump because I can’t wait to wear maternity clothes. First of all, they are comfortable, like unbelievably comfortable. Trade in my itchy lace Victorias Secret bra for a nursing one that has no underwire and feels like heaven? Sign me up. However, by about 30 weeks nothing fits you unless it’s your husband’s tee shirts and some of those your belly still hangs out of. It’s really God giving you another reason to stay in sweats and not leave your house for the next 10 weeks.

9) Walking up a flight of steps = a marathon We don’t even have a ton of steps in our house, like 10, and last night I hit step 5 and was seven seconds from peeing me pants so I ran up the last 5. I sat on the toilet trying to catch my breath for the next 15 minutes. Now I’m not so super fit person. I don’t run unless I’m being chased, by a clown with a knife, so as you can imagine that’s not a lot. However I think I’m in ok shape, that is until I carrying around an extra 30 pounds that randomly kicks me in the ribs. My heart is about to explode out of my chest just from carrying in the toddler from the car. Kudos to you women who run and exercise daily during pregnancy, I think of how cool you are when I’m begging my husband to install one of those chair-lifts on our steps.

10) Sweet baby kicks are now torture I LOVE feeling your baby move. If you know me or follow along here you know pregnancy is hard on me, read about that here, but there is NOTHING I love more than feeling those sweet little kicks. When I was pregnant with my first I was so amazed every time, the same goes with this baby. That is until your baby hits about 3 pounds and those sweet kicks become big kicks...to your bladder, ribs, kidney, or whatever else they can reach. Laying around in amazement stops and you and your husband now stare at your stomach in fear. What in God’s creation is that sticking out of your side? Oh, just their foot/hand/head...it’s a beautifully, terrifying thing. The third trimester certainly has it’s perks, aka birth is coming soon, and it’s downfalls. This is my last pregnancy, once she is born I’ll be hanging up the panel pants for good. It’s bittersweet, I’m excited to move on from my baby making years and into the next crazy seasons of life God has planned for us. With that said, I will miss every single one of these 10 things that right now I pray to stop. So here’s to 8 more weeks of rib kicks and peeing my pants.