You got it. This time, it is me posting as me. I have decided to reproduce, in full, an email chain between myself and a man named Scott Thompson. But first, a little back story. Over two weeks ago, I went to Washington for a Writers Guild event. There was a stand-up show, then a panel about late night writers and their influence on the news and elections. (I don't buy that crap about our influence, by the way, but this is one of those times where people fall in love with the idea rather than the reality.) I sat in the back row with the guys I had done stand-up with, piping up sparingly. Towards the end of the panel, I mentioned that I had been with Letterman for almost 18 years, written over 100,000 jokes (which had garnered "dozens of laughs") but my proudest moment at the show had been last year, before John McCain returned after canceling on us to not rush to Washington and not save the economy. Before the show, I gave Dave the note that McCain had a long-time friendship with G. Gordon Liddy. This was relevant because at the time McCain was beating the Bill Ayers/"Obama pals around with terrorists" drum. Sure enough, midway through the segment, McCain brought it up out of nowhere. Dave, to his credit, raised the Liddy question, and McCain phumphured something about him being a good man who served his time. I repeated that I was proud of Dave and of the moment, and got a nice hand.
My mood was obviously lighter later, when someone asked the panel why we don't make jokes about Obama. Is it because he's black? I said, "It's not because he's black. It's just that so far, he's been a little too damn competent. We need him to trip on a oriental rug. Or would it kill him to mispronounce a foreign leader's name?"
Okay, done. Nobody gets hurt, right? Well, my remarks were picked up by a couple of conservative blogs and folks started writing me. The kind of folks that would have written to Marty Fleck. Except this was no novel, and there was no Jim McManus to explain it away as "big-time wrestling."
The letters died down after a couple of days. I only responded to two people, and the fact that I chose to engage them is regrettably on me. Mr. Thompson took two weeks to write me back. Here's the chain. I feel compelled to point out that we have told several jokes about Obama's mother-in-law living in the White House, the best being, "Mother-in-law living in your house? I thought the United States doesn't torture."
Enough. To get the full cyber effect, read from the bottom up. Mangia.
From: Scott
Subject: Re: Brilliant
To: "Bill Scheft"
Date: Saturday, May 23, 2009, 3:33 PM
Bill,
Yea he is exceedingly brilliant! How many times does he have to f-up before you realize just how brilliant this guy is? Were you in NY when Scare Force One flew over? Probably Michelle and the girls on board for lunch! Your job is to write jokes about current events! That means the current admin. your nothing but an apologist! Your explanation about the McCain joke is a little deep, isn't it Bill? If you have to go that far to explain a joke on Letterman then no one got it. Remember, this is Letterman, and the average tool watching that is the same morons that were bamboozled by your beloved Messiah. See howobamagotelected.com. Hahaha, as far as not making millions for his freinds then WTF is ACORN? What about the millions going to fund abortions, and the 10,000 tax relief checks that went to dead people. Yea he is a genius, and Letterman is still funny. This idiot has you so suckered it's hilarious, at least most folks with common sense realise they were lied to just for their vote. The best part is that the admin. you have in now is 10 times more evil then Bush. Rahm Emmanual "don't let a crisis go to waste". Wake the fuck up Bill they got you hypmotized! Saying what ever the far left kooks want to hear just to appease gets you in trouble (close Gitmo uh oh 96-6 vote). Libs don't deal with reality real well. Do you think Barney Frank, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi have the peoples best interest at heart?
Let me lay it out for you Bill
No significant troop reductions in Iraq
Increased troop levels in Afghanistan
More right wing stance on wire tapping then Bush (you have to dig for this one it's not exactly msm stuff Billy)
The sad inability to say anything without his teleprompter (more genius stuff here Bill) You could do a half hour on the show just playing this stuff.
Talk of preventive detention without a trial for really tough terrorist types
Takeover of the Banks and Auto Industry, soon to come TV networks
Spending that will bankrupt the country within 5 years. Hell he admitted this himself the other day. What a tool.
I can't believe you come right out and call him brilliant! Your supposed to be a funny joke writer. That is what the article was about in the beginniing, that all of you can't even bring yourself you make fun of this guy cuz your left wing stupidity won't allow it. My God, grasp the obvious man! Your response just proves exactly what newsbusters was saying. Maybe as time goes on Bill you will keep putting the pieces together and if you work on your self honesty you will come to terms with the fact that you were OBAMABOOZLED! If it makes you feel any better so were millions of others.
Bill, one more thing, your brilliance got his ass kicked in a little battle of speechifying by the great DICK CHENEY. God was that beautiful. Even an America hater like yourself will admit the ONE got his ass handed to him, ahahahahaha
Yea, Brilliant!
Campaigns over Bill, now it is time for some Obama jokes. I know the funny man in you is screaming to come out. Your having trouble suppressing it aren't you Bill? The mother in law living in the whitehouse. The auntie running from INS, the brother child molester, the other brother living in a dirt floor hut, come on Bill it is all there for the picking. Talk about your low hanging fruit. The Mickey Mouse ears, the grape ape amazon wife that looks like she kicks his ass on a daily basis. The black and white dog, the gifts to other heads of state. An ipod with his own speeches on it. The ego jokes alone could keep you in a job for years. The teleprompter, the saying things before you consider any of the consequences, the NY flyover, the bowing to the Saudi King. Oh yea and the bowing to Nancy Pelosi and cowardly letting the Congress write his ridiculous budget. The funny way he plays b-ball. He never met a shot he didn't like. He was the guy who always thought he had game but sucked and as soon as everyone figured it out no one ever passed him the ball again! How about Gibbs Bill? Talk about gold. The working for Acorn. God I almost forgot the Rev. Wright and his $500 jammies he likes to preach in! It most be so painful for you Bill. Just stop it Bill. Let it come out, it will be so cathartic for you and Dave. Your ratings will go up and you two turds can hide your embarrassment for being obamaboozled behind the laughs!
Love ya Billy,
----- Original Message -----
From: Bill Scheft
To: Scott
Sent: Sunday, May 10, 2009 10:33 PM
Subject: Re: Brilliant
Scott, you didn't listen, or you weren't paying attention. Or you don't care.
McCain, trailing in the polls and with no ideas of his own, resorted to banging the Bill Ayers drum, saying Obama palled around with terrorists with no proof, and yet he was friends with and took campaign money from Liddy, a man who not only served time in prison from the Watergate break-in, but publicly advocated bombing the Brookings Institute and recommended on his radio show "shooting ATF agents in the head."
There is no doubt McCain was a war hero, but he was the antithesis of a hero the way he ran his campaign. He was a puppet at the hands of the most reactionary and exclusive wing of his party, to the point where he reversed stance on torture. And that makes him a spineless hypocrite. I am proud because at that moment, he was exposed as a hypocrite. Bill Ayers was never convicted of a crime. G. Gordon Liddy was at the center of the one of the country's darkest moments.
If you are upset about the fate of the auto industry, I don't blame you. It is sad. But Obama is not the one who refused to build energy efficient cars in the 80s and 90s and fell behind the rest of the world. And Obama is not the one who was in the pocket of the oil industry, both here and abroad.
And my excuse for voting for Obama? Other than he's exceedingly bright and committed to making the country better rather than his friends richer, I have no excuse.
If you want to have an intelligent dialogue, fine. Otherwise, save your posts for elsewhere.
--- On Mon, 5/11/09, Scott wrote:
From: Scott
Subject: Brilliant
To: "Bill Scheft"
Date: Monday, May 11, 2009, 1:02 AM
If a dig on a national hero is your proudest moment on the show then what a pathetic waste of time your career has been! Letterman has not a good show since the early 80's and now I understand it a little better.
Well you should be proud mr scheft you and the rest of main stream tv put this incompetent loser in the white house. Now your so embarrassed and ashamed all you can do is keep attacking the right! Hahahahaha the joke is on you.
You did not get what you thought you were getting did ya! Your network is soon to follow the fate of the banks and the auto industry and then they will tell you what to write. hahaha won't be any different then the pathetic dribble you doll out every night! Obama voter is a SUCKA! You were bamboozled you pathetic loser. You and all the other dummys. At least black people voted for him because he's half black. What's your excuse?
With the stories coming out everyday about the white houses strong arm threats to the auto shareholders it looks like you put into power the very thing you thought you were voting against! A writer such as yourself must revel in the bitter irony of it all. Oh the sweet smell of ignorance that is the left. A collective freak out of embarrassment, what a story huh? Should give you an idea for your next book.....Maybe something with Barney Frank as the protagonist.
Proud you claim, hahahhaaha, so sad.
Scott Thompson