In life, there are legit (social issue) mountains to climb up and die on, and then there is the war on cargo shorts. Take heed, men. I am here to stand next to you and defend your right to wear the miraculous and convenient, justified pouch garments we all know and love as cargo shorts.
I'm here to assure my fellow man that cargo shorts are 100 percent socially acceptable with the kind of people you probably want in your life, and a-ok with me. Instead of talking about what they aren't in the eyes of cutting edge fashion (and maybe shallow people), let's talk about what they are.
They are practical. You can conveniently carry smaller needed items on your person without having to stuff them in a large bag, or have to walk all the way back to your car to lock that bag in the trunk because your favorite venue doesn't allow bags anymore. Your stuff is already in your pockets! Done.
They are comfortable. I don't think I've ever witnessed anyone fidgeting in cargo shorts or worryng about wrinkled fabric. They are machine washable and sturdy on high heat in the dryer. Cargo shorts are easy come, easy go and suitable for a wide variety of occasions.
They are affordable. Dads, in my eyes you can wear cargo shorts until the cows come home. They can mix and match with anything and allow you to carry small kid items at the touch of a pocket. To me, there's no better way to honor your family than being practical to the family budget and looking good (and being comfortable) while you're doing it.
They are standard. Look anywhere in public and you will see cargo shorts. People need them. I used to work in the news business and out in the field, those little pockets are really useful for storing small batteries and cables, business cards and pens. Pens are a precious commodity in that business, as is traveling light. I hear carpenters like them too.
They are God's gift to helping people. When you're on a hike in the woods and you're low on supplies or might need a little first aid, Tad in the seersucker shorts and boat shoes isn't going to be able to help you. You're going to make a beeline for Danny in the cargo shorts for help. Because Danny is smart and resourceful, he's got it on hand for you and he's glad to help you out.
"But my significant other won't let me wear cargo shorts."
If that's the case bro, then the problem in that scenario is not the cargo shorts.
In my survival-mode world of raising a young family, convenience far outweighs fashion and I extend that loving grace to cargo shorts. I may even have an armory of comfortable, convenience clothing myself. So if you're on the fence at all or thinking that it's time to throw your beloved cargo shorts into a raging fire and move on to another type of garment, let me comfort you.
To me, a man in cargo shorts is more down-to-Earth, approachable, has a good sense of humor and likely a man that works well with his hands. And he probably isn't too proud. You might not think that counts for much, but to me it does.
There are plenty of women out there that still hold cargo shorts in high regard and will proudly stand next to her man wearing them. She admires their convenience, practicality and affordability, and won't make you sleep on the couch for wearing such an item. That's the kind of woman you want. Isn't it?
These are crazy times we are living in. Are we possibly on the brink of the downfall of cargo shorts? Is this really the end of the road for our favorite convenience garment? Take heart, my friends. That's highly unlikely.
The many pouches are convenient and justified. Cargo shorts aren't going anywhere, not on my watch. The war is won.