This choice I'm making, I know I know better.
This thought I'm creating seems a trap, a net.
This action I'm taking should be way higher,
and I can't bridge this gap; no matter how I try
Yet, my heart knows.
This is just my mind.
We all do this -- all the time.
Welcome to your subconscious mind, the warehouse of experiences, thoughts and feelings, accumulating, morphing, taking on subtle charges, resolving and deepening conflicts based on your interactions with your self and others, all the time.
So who is this then, this seeker, reading this, feeling this, knowing this, right now?
"Our conscious personalities, that we like to think of as stable and constant, are merely aggregates of ideas with which we temporarily self-identify." -- Robert Svoboda, Kundalini: Aghora II
This "you" is a very special collection of aspects and states, those chosen to be featured at the forefront of your experience -- which is currently on exhibit, if you will. "The conscious personality is a sort of museum whose curator selects objects for display to others from the museum's warehouse, the subconscious." -- Svoboda
The curator has selected only the most potentially popular aspects of your experience to put on display for this moment. "Popular exhibits enjoy a longer run, while less-patronized exhibits get changed more quickly." -- Svoboda
Here's the thing.
We've had certain collections of personalities on display for a wasteful while. It's seemingly too much work to repaint and recreate a new show, so we've put it off. And our best work got left in the warehouse.
"Most people never notice the fluctuations of the ceaseless creation and destruction of their personalities any more than they notice the individual frames of a film in a motion picture. The perpetual shifting of self-identification among all these personality pieces consumes tremendous amounts of energy..." -- Svoboda
It's time to bring our best work out. The most potent messages are the scariest cues, and they're the ones that have yielded the greatest freedom.
"Close your studio and take more time for your life."
"Ask for more money for your heart's work, and give the best of yourself."
"Say you're sorry. Again."
"Find where you feel super safe within yourself so you can feel safe in relationship."
When we finally start listening, we start actually feeling free. I've found a meditation teacher (Thom Knoles). I gave notice to our landlord that we were closing our beloved studio (VIRAYOGA, closing June 28), I asked for more money for my own personal work and got told no. Then I got a yes. And then another, and another.
I'm offering better work, I'm recalibrating friendships, forging new relationships. I'm finding my music, voicing my poetry, noticing my mind was never the problem -- it just needed room to breathe, to release, to soften, to land, daily. Meditating every day is making my heart the brightest star in my sky, and it's learning to do a stellar job of managing my mind.
Higher guidance is with us every step of the way. If we listen, we're curating who we are in any moment from a conscious, consistent place.
May we each be a source, a solution, a sweetness.
Reach high, teach high (thank you, Ally Bogard). Call up your best work from deep within you, and let the world have it. Be creative, be clear, be fearless, be free. Let your heart fuel your offerings. Let love be the lens through which you look. Trust your intuition to be embraced and hold space.