• "Why do I seem to attract relationships with people who take advantage of my kindness?"
• "Why do I seem to attract relationships with people who are abusive?"
• "Why do I end up in relationships with men who are either alcoholics, druggies, or cheaters?"
• "Why do I seem to attract superficial women who are just gold-diggers - only interested in my money?"
Unfortunately, more and more people find themselves in disappointing, harmful and even destructive relationships.
In the complex social world we live in, it can be challenging to find someone to have a healthy, loving relationship. We all know single or married people who seem to attract emotionally abusive relationships into their life.
Instead of attracting healthy individuals to have a love relationship, why do some people continually attract "losers?" (Definition: Loser - someone who is abusive and who behaves in emotionally or physically, unhealthy ways towards other people or themselves).
The answer to this perplexing question can be found in a person's horoscope by looking at how the planet Neptune affects their relationships. In one's horoscope, the planet Neptune rules idealism, inspiration, dreams, psychic receptivity, illusion, delusion, deception, guilt, addiction, and confusion.
Those who attract unhealthy relationships (i.e. losers), often have Neptune placed in their natal horoscope in a way that brings them relationship challenges. Their problems are further exacerbated years later as Neptune moves (or transits) through certain houses of a their horoscope. For example, transiting Neptune can create special problems when it transits a person's 1st House of Personality, the 5th House of Romance, the 7th House of Partnership, the 8th House of Transformation, or the 12th House of Secrets.
When it comes to love and romance, one of the dangers of Neptune's influence is that it can cause an individual to be attracted to unhealthy relationships where they deceive themselves about the person they are in love with; or even the nature of their relationship.
Neptune energies can cause a person to have peculiar emotional desires that emanate from their unconscious mind. Imagine being a diabetic and intellectually knowing that sugar is bad for your health. As you look in the window of a bakery shop, you see a delicious-looking chocolate fudge cake. At that moment, just like a sugar-addict, all you care about is eating a very large piece of that cake - even though, you know it's extremely bad for your diabetic condition.
In the same way, an unhealthy functioning Neptune can cause a person to become pre-disposed to attracting unsavory characters who they are destined to have an unhealthy relationship. In some cases, they have an addictive attraction to people who will abuse them. I call this pre-disposition: the "bad-boy" or "bad-girl" syndrome.
Why am I Attracted to Bad Boys?
This syndrome may manifest in the chart of the woman who comes from a traditional family where manners and moral upbringing are stressed. But, unfortunately, she finds most "nice" men (that her parents would approve) uninteresting, boring, and "too white bread." Instead, she's excited and fascinated by a man of questionable character especially if he appears fascinating and mysterious. Some women are even more bewitched if the man seems dangerous. There's something forbidden about his character that makes him very captivating.
This "bad boy" is fascinating to her for his rebellious ways, and devil-may-care attitude. (And, if her parents would disapprove - finding him socially unacceptable in some way, so much the better.) He may be devilishly handsome with a charismatic personality that says, "I do what I want and I get what I want."
Or, he may be intriguing because he lives a carefree life, unconcerned about society's approval. She's so charmed that she ignores all the "red flags" that should give her pause: he seems to enjoy drinking a lot; he gets familiar and talks about sex right away; he's changed jobs often and is currently unemployed; he's 35 and still living with his parents.
This woman's attraction to such a man may be even darker. She may become engrossed when she hears he's had a hard life, been abused in some way, dropped out of school, had some trouble with the law or is unconcerned that he can't seem to hold a job. He may have an exciting sexual charisma or just appears a bit freaky. In some way he's a "bad boy."
Why am I Attracted to Bad Girls?
This syndrome may also manifest in the chart of a man who has a history of being attracted to unhealthy relationships with women. He may be so desperate for love and acceptance that he is vulnerable and often captivated with women who are likely to treat him abusively. For example, take the man who perpetually feels used by women who seem "only interested in his money." His low self-esteem and need for the approval of others, causes him to be solely interested in women who are physically attractive. He wants a "show piece" so that others will admire him, thus he can feel better about himself. He looks for glamorous women who focus on their looks, wear expensive clothes, and are materialistically oriented (like he is). It is no wonder they are interested in his wealth since that's what they value most.
Then, there is the older man (e.g. in his 50s), with a history of disappointing relationships, only wanting to date women in their 20s and early 30s. He fancies himself youthful like Peter Pan, ageless (as well as clueless). He often complains that he feels taken advantaged when these young women eventually leave him for a relationship with a man closer to their age, with whom they had more in common.
This syndrome also causes unsatisfying romances for people who find themselves attracted to a romantic partner they can't have. It's as if their romantic interest comes alive because the other person isn't available or interested in them. For example, the woman who spends two years going out with a man whose behavior clearly shows he's not that "into" their relationship. Her low self-esteem causes her to feel she doesn't deserve more. Neptune's placement in her birth chart gives her a propensity to deceive herself, so she ignores the many signs of this man's lack of serious interest in her. Her Neptunian delusion prevents her from seeing the reality that she is only having a one-sided relationship with this man. This negative Neptune influence can keep a person trapped in a self-defeating behavior pattern that results in repeatedly experiencing disappointing relationships. Such people never seem to connect the dots as to why this pattern repeats itself so often.
9 Tips for Avoiding Unhealthy Relationships
We must look for warning signs and red flags that will help us see if we are about to engage in an unhealthy or toxic relationship.
1. Be careful of becoming involved in dependent relationships, where either partner, views the other as a savior.
2. Avoid a romantic relationship with someone who has an addiction to drugs, alcohol or any other addiction such as gambling, food, work, shopping, television, religion or pornography. These are all "tells" that must not be ignored. Neptune's influence can heighten one's sense of compassion, causing them to want to "save" the other person. That's why it is important to put energy into a healthy relationship with an equal partner. Don't make the mistake of falling in love with someone's "potential."
3. A person can heal themself so they can enjoy the love of a healthy romantic relationship but they have to be willing to set boundaries. This requires that they are very conscious, grounding themself in reality even though they would prefer "to stay in the clouds."
4. If a person wants to stop attracting abusive and unsatisfying relationships into their life they must recognize that when it comes to romantic relationships, they are prone to fantasy, delusion and self-deception (and the deception of others). It's just another facet of their idealistic and romantic nature; and their tendency to not be realistic. They need to be conscious that this makes them vulnerable to attracting unhealthy relationships.
5. When this person meets a romantic prospect who interests them, they must make sure to discuss the positive qualities they are looking for in a healthy relationship; and, then, pay attention to the responses they get.
6. It's equally important to discuss the qualities they consider unhealthy. Pay attention to these responses as well. This exchange will give them insights as to whether or not they are likely to enjoy a healthy, satisfying romance with the other person.
7. Keep in mind, it's not necessary to "vomit" on the other person about one's past relationship disappointments. It only makes the person sound like a "loser!" To stop ones' negative relationship pattern: Don't play the victim. I remind clients: when you think of all your bad relationships: the common denominator is you. Admit that you've made some bad choices. Today is a new day. You won't be making these bad choices again.
8. Most importantly, one must trust one's intuition. If a person meets a "bad boy," or "bad girl," don't waste your time - move on because you can't change them. As a healthy person, recognize it's not your job to do so. If one is not sure whether it's a healthy relationship, go slow in dating and really get to know and trust the person.
9. My final advice to clients with this issue: if early warning signs tell you this person is wrong for you, exit the relationship, immediately. No more contact.
Then, after you've done this, look in your mirror so you can see what a healthy person looks like. You are that healthy person! You can break your pattern of having unsuccessful relationships if you commit yourself to these simple tips.
Find out if Neptune (or other transits) are affecting your love relationships by going to the Free Transit Calculator and entering your birth date. And, if you're curious to learn more about your personal Horoscope and what it says about your love relationships, career, investments and health in 2016: Order your customized Report: Your Horoscope & Future in 2016.
If you want to know about the planets affecting your love compatibility with another person, go to the FREE Love Compatibility Calculator and enter your birth date and theirs. And, if you want a customized report on your compatibility together, order Your Love Compatibility Report.
Larry Schwimmer is an astrologer in private practice. For private consultations, contact him at: Larry@astrodecision.com or go to www.AstroDecision.com
Read Larry Schwimmer's latest books, here
To Sign-Up for Larry's Blog, click here
For more by Larry Schwimmer, click here.
Larry Schwimmer is president of Astrodecision.com, a San Francisco-based consulting company. The firm uses planetary cycles analysis to counsel individual and corporate clients on picking the "best dates" to make successful decisions of all types: personal, marketing, financial, and political. Schwimmer is an internationally known business consultant, life coach and astrologer (with a Fortune 500 M&A background). Visit his website: AstroDecision.com