Sometimes, the thing we most need to say can be the most difficult to speak out loud. Since many of us are conflict-reluctant, this can lead to having experiences in which we have something we feel strongly about, need to say and then... don't. Unfortunately, it's not like we forget these un-delivered communications. They exist inside our minds, and cause a low-level of irritation, angst or aggravation.
I was with a friend of mine recently who could not seem to deliver a particular communication that she just didn't know how to say. You see, she has been doing a lot of work on herself, and discovering things about herself, her goals, and her life. In the process she has discovered that she needs to let her partner know a few things.
They're not doozies, but if she doesn't get into communication with him, they will become deal-breakers for their relationship. Her scariest communication is that she can no longer tolerate the ways he spends their money and leaves them in a constant state of financial difficulty. It's scary for her, since she knows that if she communicates and nothing changes, her choice will be to leave that relationship. And... she loves him and doesn't really want to leave! So, understandably, she feels fear.
This undelivered communication has been on her mind for awhile, and we were talking about it. You see, this is her hardest communication to deliver, but it is by no means her only undelivered communication. She has more with him, and when I probed, admitted to having undelivered communications with people all over her life!
So, that's where the blog title came from, because I actually said to her:
You're not a turkey, stop stuffing yourself! Then we both laughed since I immediately told her she was going to be the topic of my next blog.
OK, all joking aside, what's the problem if she has undelivered communication?
Happy you asked! There's TONS of problems with "stuffing" yourself.
My friend's most pressing issue is that due to her husband's behavior around money, sometimes they don't have enough money to buy food or pay their rent, and since they have two young children, this is a very scary place for her to be. Fear, anger and frustration all "look" the same in our body; they activate our "fight or flight" response, which is great when you're being chased by a lion, but terrible for your health in daily life. Constant (or regularly repeated) activation of this system messes with your blood sugar, digestion, weight, absorption of minerals, fertility and more.
So here's where it gets extremely cool. We set up a plan for her to speak with him, and she DID, and they were able to make agreements around money. This was a tremendous "win" for her. She then experienced herself as someone who could guide the course of her own life, so she then got into communication with her mother, best friend and aunt, and completed a few outstanding issues with each of them that had been holding her back from fully expressing herself.
That's actually not the cool part. THIS is the coolest part: She was so freed up by these experiences that instead of expending her mental energy on her concerns, she was able to focus her attention on her own health. She has been struggling with food for awhile, and when she freed up her brain space, she was finally able to address her own food challenges. She took a good look at the foods that did and didn't work for her, and then she quit sugar. And lost 8 pounds IN ONE WEEK.
I've written before about making one small improvement, and fully believe in its power, since small wins lead to others, until lifestyle change becomes both manageable and sustainable.
So, I invite you to consider addressing and resolving any concern that takes up brain space, and consider that those things you are spending your time worrying about or brooding over are taking up real estate in your brain that could be better used for things that empower and inspire you. Consider the possibility that these undelivered communications are weighing you down, messing you up, and preventing you from being the person you know yourself to be!
Let's get you a win, today! Start with the easiest one, then move onto a more difficult one, and make sure you keep track, so that you can congratulate yourself on doing something brave.
Because... you're not a turkey, so stop stuffing yourself!
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