I know - a dirty-ish headline. I just couldn't resist. I could have used a metaphor about cooking instead, but what's the fun in that? Exactly.
So about orgasms...
If you find yourself...tangled up with someone...who doesn't give you orgasms, that's his (or hers) issue, right? Or at the very least it's a circumstance you aren't responsible for. You can't help you...got tangled up...with someone who just doesn't do it for you in the bedroom. Because apart from the orgasms they’re kind of fantastic. (Really, it’s true. They’re fantastic. And it’s huge. Huge.) And you’re angry, as you don’t want this situation in your life. Why you? Why did this have to happen? Especially when fifteen other things are happening that you need to sort out. Couldn’t this just be easy?
Actually it is easy.
You have options. You choose. Commit. Act.
1) You look into your own mental blocks regarding orgasms. Maybe the guy (or gal) is too nice and caring? Maybe you can’t accept that much love? Maybe you’re too scared to do what you want in the bedroom? Do you event know what you want? Are you giving all of yourself to them? Are you bringing them what they need? Maybe you think thoughts about your body, or sex, that aren’t helping? What are your thoughts surrounding the issue? Both the obvious thoughts and the ones that surface once you dig a little bit deeper?
2) You could do it for yourself in the bedroom. It’s quite possible.
3) You could explain to your man (or woman) what it is you truly want in such a way they feel empowered, instead of like you’re coming down on them for not being a good enough lover. Because it’s not really about how good someone is, but about making it fit.
4) If none of the above works, you could find another lover. Of course, sometimes giving up what we have for something we haven’t yet created, is scary. It involves discovering what we truly want (which can be a process that makes us feel vulnerable if we aren’t comfortable with what we truly want) and opening up to receiving it. Which often leads to fear of rejection, failure, etc. But it’s only by living our truth that we will ever truly find the people, places and events that gel with our heart.
In life we have a choice: we either accept what is, or we change it (at a pace we are comfortable with). Whatever our choice, we have to adopt a mental attitude around it which serves us. We have to empower ourselves and those around us.
Sometimes it’s a much bigger situation. You could be facing something that’s way beyond you. Then the question is: what can you do right now? It might not solve the bigger issue, but how can you make it easier for yourself in the moment? How can you find joy, even with this situation in your life?
It’s so easy to get caught up in a maelstrom of negativity and/or sense of powerlessness. I know, because I was there for three years - trying to solve problems I felt were the size of Mount Everest and as they were all interlinked, it seemed no one single area in my life was a happy one. Plus there seemed to be a never ending stream of issues landing on my plate. As if fate was having a laugh.
This year I made a decision to take responsibility. First of all for creating joy in the moment, not waiting for a miracle. Secondly, for starting to change things around, little by little. Creating steps I can take right now. And that’s when the real miracle happened: I became happy.
Life isn’t always easy, but we are in charge of one thing: ourselves. Make the most of that self and decide to choose what you truly want to create right now.