This Is Who I Was... And Who I Am Now.
I was alone on a small sailboat by my own choice. I was 300 miles out to sea in the Atlantic Ocean during the Hurricane Season of 2011 and the day before I shot the video below, I battled an intense storm for eighteen hours. The experience change my life forever.
Have you ever thrown a fit out of anger? Have you ever been through something so intense, that you lost it and freaked out? We all have. Most of us will never let other people know about it. Most of us will hide our shadows because we are too embarrassed to let other people know we are actually human and will lose it once in a while.
Me too. This un-edited video I have kept hidden for years because I was too afraid to show it. Even though the few trusted people I've shown it to, have said, "Frucci, this will actually help others feel better about themselves because they will see that they are not alone with their troubles."
The pivotal moment just before the transformation...
we all reach them whether we realize it at the time or not...
Upon reflection...
this was it...
and I forgive myself for being the way I was.
Back in 2011 during Hurricane Season, I took off alone in the Atlantic Ocean. I ran into an intense storm about 300 miles out to sea... almost half way to the tiny island of Bermuda. I fought a physical as well as a mental battle for eighteen hours. The day after... the day I shot this video... I lost it.
That day transformed me forever. Sure, I still get pissed... we all do. In the years since, I've grown into a more peaceful human. Today, when I get tweaked, I meditate and the anger just flows away. It's okay to get angry. It's okay to feel emotions and let them out as long as no one gets hurt. You will heal yourself if you let it out. Four days later when I limped into Bermuda, the change had begun and my new Self emerged from a womb.
I truly hope you are not offended by this. If you are... then well... okay. Perhaps you are looking at yourself in the mirror when you point your finger at me and say, "Frucci, you are a crazy idiot and you're a stupid angry fool."
Yesterday is no more...
I see the sun rise in the East...
as my hand raises to feel the warmth... this...
is all there is now.
This is who I am now after diving deep into my Self...
Who were you? The past no longer exists, yet the human that we are today is a product of our experiences. None of them are "good" nor "bad"... they just are. Yes, there are intensities in all of our lives with some of them being so massive, we find it hard to let go.
Who are you now? Are you haunted by your past? Or are there aspects of you which remain buried so deep, your daily life seems frantic with your personal direction of life shrouded in fog? Perhaps, forgiveness is the answer. Perhaps, an acknowledgement of your humanity is there waiting for you. It's okay to be human even though we've been taught by whatever culture you associate yourself with, says otherwise.
Who will you be in the future? You have a choice. You can own who and what you are right now and create the life you want. Or, you can wallow in self-pity, blame others for where you are, do not forgive yourself for how you have lived and continue along a path of destruction. I choose to grow, thrive, love and be loved. Will you?
This is one of the ways of done it...
I recently attended the late Debbie Ford's "Shadow Process Workshop" in Los Angeles, led by Kelley Kosow. A deep dive into self and learning to own all of who we are in order to grow into the Divine Souls we all are. That process will be the subject of another article in the future.
Are you in touch with your shadows? When you are and can forgive yourself, life opens up in a beautiful way with smiles coming from all directions... even from a loving dog.
Please note: Even though this video contains intense language, the book I wrote about the adventure, "Path of Three Hundred: Volume 1" does not contain any offensive language. I eliminated all of it from the book.