"Hell hath no fury like a toddler who loses the chance to push a button of any kind."
"The most unrealistic part of the mandalorian is that he finds babysitters everywhere he goes."
"You know you're old when your kid has a teacher named McKinsey."
"Anyone hoping for a peaceful transition has never had to pull a toddler out of a Chuck E. Cheese."
"Parenting involves a lot more sighing than I expected."
"Kids really overestimate how much parents want to guess things."
"The downside of being sarcastic parents is you get sarcastic kids."
"It's weird how we tell kids not to lie then tell them how good the picture they drew is."
"I tell my toddler to 'ask nicely' and instead of saying please he whispers his demands and I'm not even sure that he's wrong."
"Why would I spend $5 on a bag of apples at the store when I can wear warm fall clothes in 88° weather and pay $36 for our family to pick them ourselves."