Decluttering a house full of kids' stuff can be rough.
"I live in fear of the things I may have agreed to while absent-mindedly saying 'uh-huh' to my kids."
"When I was a kid, the only password you had to remember was the one that got you into the treehouse."
"I wish I needed anything as badly as my kids need all of my attention the second I lock the bathroom door."
These tweets will likely keep you laughing through the new year.
"This holiday season, I wish you all the joy of my 9yo who received $25 in the mail from an aunt and danced around yelling 'I’m rich!'"
"Have children so that one day they will sit on your lap, stroke your face, and tell you that your chin feels like a stale muffin."
"My 6yo turned the game of Monopoly into a game of Risk by sneezing on the game pieces."
"Parenting is mainly just cleaning toothpaste off the bathroom sink."
Winter is coming, but "Frozen" can be a kid's obsession year-round.
"Children’s laughter is beautiful unless you’ve already put them to bed."
"My son's awfully confident for someone who's thrice tried eating potpourri thinking it was a fancy snack."
"A panic room, but for quickly shoveling all my family’s clutter into when guests stop by unexpectedly."
"Our youngest said she is old enough to pour her own juice which is why I’m mopping up juice."
"If you like someone breathing 2 inches from your face while throwing a wrench in anything you're trying to accomplish, parenting might be for you"
"A heated, extreme sports competition, but it’s just me trying to get everyone ready and out of the house on time in the morning."
"We stayed out too late last night so this morning my children are experiencing life without rules."
"*Starts a GoFundMe to replace all the patience my kids have taken*"
"My husband asked if I wanted to go on a date and then we laughed and laughed and went to Costco."
"One of the hardest parts of parenting is pretending you like vegetables"