"Have kids so that you can see your dogs running around your house wearing your only clean bras."
"I said Alexa three times and she didn’t respond so she’s family now."
"Nobody cares more about proper hydration than a kid who’s just been kissed goodnight."
"What am I binge watching? A f**king toddler. You?"
"Please say a prayer for my 8 year old son, he has to write 4 sentences."
"Kids shouldn’t be allowed to lose teeth during quarantine."
"It’s all fun and games creating children who act just like you until you’re isolated in a house with them 24/7."
"At least we don’t have to go to our kids’ field day this year."
"If you had asked me what the hardest part of battling a global pandemic would be I would have never guessed, 'teaching elementary school math."
"The hardest part of parenting is parenting your own traits out of your kids."