"Parenting books should be legally required to display the number of children the author has."
"Half the parenting vocabulary is the word 'wow'"
"For the first time ever my 4 year old let ME choose his bedtime story and after 72 tries I finally picked the right one"
"Parenting is missing your kids when they’re asleep, and missing your sanity when they’re awake."
"It should be illegal for your child to change their favorite character without giving you a 30 day notice."
"Oh I get it, you think you’re better than me cuz your kid has both shoes on."
"Why did they call it a diaper blowout and not a s**tuation."
"Playing board games with your kids and deliberately trying to lose so it ends quicker is a parenting art form"
"Got to my daughter’s elementary school an hour early so I could be 12th in line for pickup."
"Today is school picture day so my kids wore their favorite toothpaste on their shirts."