Best Parenting Tweets

"I’m writing a fantasy fiction novel about a mom that has a cold and her family does things for themselves while she rests."
"My toddler is pretending to cook a meal and it involves a lot of screaming and throwing food in a pot. She gets it."
"My kid just learned 'uh oh spaghettios' but he keeps forgetting and is yelling 'oh no noodles' instead"
"Kids should come with a 'skip intro' button for their stories"
"My 5yo asked if I knew that 'butter has butt in it'"
"A child brings so much joy to a parent’s life: their laughter, their smile, their Halloween candy."
"My son called the butter shelf in the fridge the dairy penthouse and there is no other name for it now."
"First rule of maintaining a healthy marriage while parenting an infant is nothing that’s said between 1:00 a.m. and 5:00 a.m. can be held against you."
"A haunted house but it’s just my toddler following me around saying 'I can do it myself' over and over"
"I used to be very laid-back & now seeing different colors of Play-Doh mixed together triggers me."