Best Parenting Tweets

"Parenting is mainly just cleaning toothpaste off the bathroom sink."
Winter is coming, but "Frozen" can be a kid's obsession year-round.
"Children’s laughter is beautiful unless you’ve already put them to bed."
"My son's awfully confident for someone who's thrice tried eating potpourri thinking it was a fancy snack."
"A panic room, but for quickly shoveling all my family’s clutter into when guests stop by unexpectedly."
"Our youngest said she is old enough to pour her own juice which is why I’m mopping up juice."
"If you like someone breathing 2 inches from your face while throwing a wrench in anything you're trying to accomplish, parenting might be for you"
"A heated, extreme sports competition, but it’s just me trying to get everyone ready and out of the house on time in the morning."
"We stayed out too late last night so this morning my children are experiencing life without rules."
"*Starts a GoFundMe to replace all the patience my kids have taken*"
"My husband asked if I wanted to go on a date and then we laughed and laughed and went to Costco."
"One of the hardest parts of parenting is pretending you like vegetables"
"Parenting is 10% knowing you would kill for your children and 90% suppressing the urge to kill them."
"Parenthood’s like having jet lag that just never goes away."
"Forgot to post a picture to social media of my kids on their first day of school. Do they have to repeat the year now, or what happens?"
"Now that 7 is semi-literate, he no longer believes my 'SHUH DA FA CUP' mug reads 'My Favorite Word is Mommy'"
"Childbirth classes should include useful parenting advice, like how to dispose of a kid's artwork in the outside trash bin only."
"At the public pool with the kids; we’ve been here for 17 minutes and 247 shouts of 'Mom, watch this!' long."
"Prepare your spouse for parenthood by waking them up at 3 AM to tell them it’s not raining and then demand some cheese."