Best Parenting Tweets

"My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide."
“We don’t dry dishes, Mom, that’s air’s job" — and other "annoying kid logic that you’re secretly proud of."
"Nothing more horrifying as a parent to see a child that has fallen asleep at five pm."
"The 8yo disrupted my sleep again, so I texted my mom at 2AM to ask when it stops."
"My 2yo picked a heck of a time to start fake coughing all over the place."
"Drove our kids around town to look at Christmas lights but they brought an iPad so they could watch a different kid drive around his town looking at lights."
"If my 4yo asks if something is poisonous, there's a 100% chance she has already put it in her mouth."
"If you want to piss off a toddler just tell him he’s tired."
"Hell hath no fury like a toddler who loses the chance to push a button of any kind."