affirmative consent

“It took five years for me to realize that consent is not a coin flip.”
Is this not a case of injustice collecting and is anyone who makes such a point to the author, just another online harasser? What's the exact crime? Looking at women's or men's bodies?
For some people, the idea of gaining consent for each aspect of a sexual encounter sounds painfully unsexy, but I believe this is because they're thinking about it like a checklist on a clipboard, rather than as the joy of getting to know and understand their partner on a deep and fundamental level.
How can we prevent rape, not just prosecute and punish those responsible?
There was an obvious difference in the way my rapist and I had interpreted the incident, and his response gave little indication of any remorse for the irreparable damage done that night. A disturbing thought formed: What if he doesn't know what he's done?