Leave your non-apology at the door.
Forced apologies are as common as forced sharing in our culture. But apologies that are insincere are also ineffective.
I was rude on the phone. I heard from my doctor's office that Medicare had my coverage screwed up. This was the first time I have used my card since turning 65. And my claim was denied. So I got on the phone with Medicare. That alone brings my blood pressure up.
I don't have a lot of revenge fantasies. It's not that I'm such a goody-two-shoes. Well, okay, I'm a little bit of a goody-two-shoes. I believe in the power of Being Nice. Which is why I don't have much in the way of revenge fantasies. What I have, though, are apology fantasies.
Here's a riddle: If you don't say what you're apologizing for, is it actually an apology?
Is it too late now for Donald Trump to say sorry? According to Canada's rules of politeness, maybe not.
Over the years, I've spent a considerable amount of time discussing anger, apologies, and forgiveness with therapists and
A sincere apology may help to smooth over an offense, but even in the best of circumstances it doesn't negate action itself. I would argue that a flippant apology is actually an even more selfish act, and often only serves to further incense the person on the receiving end. In any case, the words "I'm sorry" are always a poor substitute for simply behaving better.
To be taken seriously and to get things done, authentic and courageous leaders do not make "sorry" part of their regular vocabulary. Authentic leaders do not apologize for their point of view or values, but instead reserve the use of "sorry" for only the most appropriate of circumstances.
We want to know if we said the right thing, the wrong thing. We are sorry but we have feelings, we don't want to be crazy but, this might be wrong but, we might be delusional, and if we are, we're sorry. We're sorry we made you feel that way. We're sorry we made anything at all.