bachelor recap

It's 2014. Can we please dispense with the retro myth that virginity = value? Just because you've never experienced the presence of a penis in your vagina does not make you "marriage material." (And while we're at it, let's dispense with that old-fashioned "marriage material" term, too!)
Last night's second episode of ABC's "The Bachelor" proved to be quite entertaining, despite Prince Farming having the personality of a soybean.
First one on one date is an all day "and ALL night" (JP reminds us creepily MANY times) event for Johnny Pabs and Clare. Clare
El Bachelor's here / To speak the language of love / Shirtless destiny.
Who cares that it's zero degrees outside. Bear Grylls has nothing on "Bachelor" Sean Lowe. This is "Bachelor vs. Wild" and these ladies will stop at nothing to conquer nature.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill. I repeat, this is not a drill. Sean Lowe did not appear shirtless once throughout the entirety of episode 5. "Bachelor"... I thought I knew you.
On the third edition of "Shirtless Sean Works Out," we confirm that Sean Lowe is unable to run on a treadmill with his abs covered up. That six-pack simply cannot be contained. (In fact, they even have their own Twitter account.)
Lindsay decided that the best way to get our "Bachelor's" attention was to borrow her cousin's wedding dress and veil, get rip-roaring drunk in the limo, stagger up to Sean and demand that he kisses the bride.
Thank goodness we still have Courtney in the running. Otherwise, we'd spend two hours every Monday night watching Ben paint the town beige in his bland-colored v-neck tee and unkempt coif.