bottoming

2015-05-18-1431962062-5981619-ScreenShot20150518at11small.jpgIn my latest video I break down the psychological nuts and bolts of why we tend to label and judge sexual roles and the gay men who fill them -- pun intended. I describe how this common practice can be limiting, both individually and collectively, as well as what we can do to challenge bottom shaming so that we can all grow, heal, and have better sex. Heels up!
My preferring not to have intercourse might be less about a distaste for the actual act (or pain, or boredom) than it is about the way in which too many guys approach it, not just as the endgame but as the only way to truly score.
Internet and mobile apps are directing us to make statements about our preferences so that others can choose. But do we really know what we want? Guys with macho top profiles may turn out to be sweet and kind bottoms. The last "power sub" I hooked up with ended up doing me.
What if a guy isn't a top, a bottom or even versatile? What about gay men who have never engaged in anal sex and never will, ever? I think they deserve a name of their own. I call them "sides," and they typically struggle with tremendous feelings of shame.
As Scientific American pointed out in 2009, a team of Centers for Disease Control and Prevention-affiliated scientists led
Without consulting each other about anal sex, we lack the best tips for safety, cleanliness and achieving maximum pleasure, a problem for the young and/or sexually inexperienced, who may have to endure unnecessary confusion, embarrassment or pain during intercourse.
As anyone who has ever been skillfully buggered knows, anal sex -- at least for the prostate-endowed -- is the best invention since sliced bread. Straight men have recently discovered "prostate massage" and "prostate stimulation."