How is it that, as I approach half a century on the planet as a butch-identified woman, I still struggle with the constraints of masculinity?
Vanessa Vitiello discusses Lea DeLaria's comments about self identified "butch lesbians."
“My own community ostracizes me."
I am a law-abiding American. As a rule follower, I know I have nothing to fear, but still private rooms in airports have always scared me. They seem like places -- at least in the movies -- where you go in, bad things happen to you, and you stay a long time without any family or counsel.
I got the chance to interview up-and-coming singer-songwriter Sofia recently. If you don't know who she is, you're going to want to. Think kd lang meets John Mayer.
It's not that I'm interested in being a guy, or taking on a romantic role other than my own, but Travolta is part of my adolescent history. He's really the only male actor I've imitated with any regularity -- and I became Travolta across a range of characters.
Sometimes I wonder if the pain is all in my head. If it really hurts or I just think it does. This is especially true whenever I find myself at a doctor talking about my "situation."
What I find fascinating is that I went from bi invisibility due to my long hair and "straight" appearance to bi invisibility due to my short hair and "gay" appearance. I had no idea that so many people would feel so strongly about my appearance and my head of hair.
She is a successful and talented jewelry designer. She is charitable. And, did I mention the smoking hot part? Well, after I talked to her I also learned that she is very smart, an extremely hard worker, passionate about giving back, grounded.
She makes me believe in happily-ever-afters, and I wanted her to be mine.
I had given her a cute little promise ring (made from a coconut with a turtle on it -- in Hawaii; don't judge, because she loved it), but it was time to get the real one on her finger.
We had talked about language not long after we got engaged, but hadn't come to any conclusions. I didn't like referring to myself as the "bride" because that has very girly/feminine connotations to it for me.
I didn't really realize how amazing it would be to be in a room full of butches -- let me repeat: a whole room full of butches -- to look around and see butches everywhere. I was giddy with excitement to... belong. To be a part of the crowd. To fit in. I'd never really fit it before.
Feminine lesbians are often told 'you're too pretty to be queer,' and bear gays are rendered invisible by their masculinity, yet the term 'gay face' is used as an insult. Is there a such thing as 'looking gay,' and is there a cultural value to it?