children and divorce
Lately, I’ve had a handful of clients come into my office grappling with the idea of whether or not to divorce. It’s a fraught
In my law and mediation practice, I hear these things every day. People who once said "I do" are now saying "Screw you!" They may demonize their spouse and the mother or father of their children. They want justice in their divorce, and they think court is the way to get it. I'm here to say it's not.
Your stepson has been thrown into a situation that I see all too often: one parent says negative things about the other parent or stepparent, creating divided loyalties. The child is faced with an impossible dilemma: Whose side am I supposed to be on?
I am of the opinion that the more clarity and definition you have in your co-parenting plan the better. For many of you, the co-parenting plan will be put away in a drawer and rarely, if ever, looked at again. For all of you though, thinking these issues through and really taking them seriously will make a world of difference, and may even help you attain the closure you desperately want and need.
If a separation is handled in the right way -- and what I mean by that is that your kids' well-being drives the process of separation rather than your own ego -- it is possible for your kids to transition well.
Remember, your role as a parent places a pivotal role in what your children take away from the divorce. Learning to work towards improving your relationship with your ex has positive, long-term benefits that help the entire family!
he deliberations dragged on so long, I just couldn't stand the wait any longer. Add to that an attorney who was admittedly distracted during the negotiations, and you've got a pretty certain recipe for settlement dissatisfaction. And I don't want the same for you.
Sometimes you will feel wistful, even nostalgic for times you know were not good. You will feel guilty and sorry that your children are "children of divorce." You will wake up crying at 3:00 or 4:00 a.m., mourning what was and that something fundamental to your existence is over.
I'm not saying that these are the end-all and the answers to your problems. I just feel like I know how kids of divorce think, and I know that if I were a kid, these are things that would comfort and soothe me tremendously.
Ending a marriage when you have children can elicit feelings of guilt ("What could I have done differently to save the marriage?") to panic ("How am I going to be able to support my kids financially and emotionally?") to reluctance and doubt ("Maybe we should just move into separate bedrooms and ignore each other?")
I am simply a mom who, like so many other moms, wants the best for her kids.
Here are some "dos and don'ts" to keep in mind to make sure your children remember the holidays for what they are -- a time of celebration -- rather than something they discuss in therapy 20 years from now.
What makes this trend really sad is another kid is not going to make any marriage better. You don't get closer by having another child. You get closer by working on the issues between the two of you. Another child is going to cause more stress, and cost more money.
If that's true, and your divorce began earlier in the year, it will likely be finalized by summer's end. Leading to a significant change in physical, financial and emotional circumstances for you and your children.
7. Include a support system. Tell anyone else who needs to know, including teachers, babysitters, and friends’ parents. Let
Seek out attorneys who are genuinely family-focused and try to keep you out of court. Bring in therapists or divorce coaches to provide insights and strategies for resolving conflict on behalf of everyone in the family. Be a caring, responsible parent.