children and divorce
In my law and mediation practice, I hear these things every day. People who once said "I do" are now saying "Screw you!" They may demonize their spouse and the mother or father of their children. They want justice in their divorce, and they think court is the way to get it. I'm here to say it's not.
Your stepson has been thrown into a situation that I see all too often: one parent says negative things about the other parent or stepparent, creating divided loyalties. The child is faced with an impossible dilemma: Whose side am I supposed to be on?
I am of the opinion that the more clarity and definition you have in your co-parenting plan the better. For many of you, the co-parenting plan will be put away in a drawer and rarely, if ever, looked at again. For all of you though, thinking these issues through and really taking them seriously will make a world of difference, and may even help you attain the closure you desperately want and need.
If a separation is handled in the right way -- and what I mean by that is that your kids' well-being drives the process of separation rather than your own ego -- it is possible for your kids to transition well.
Remember, your role as a parent places a pivotal role in what your children take away from the divorce. Learning to work towards improving your relationship with your ex has positive, long-term benefits that help the entire family!
Be clear. If you appear uncertain about whether it's a good idea for your son to spend time with his father, he will pick up on your lack of confidence in the arrangement.
he deliberations dragged on so long, I just couldn't stand the wait any longer. Add to that an attorney who was admittedly distracted during the negotiations, and you've got a pretty certain recipe for settlement dissatisfaction. And I don't want the same for you.
Sometimes you will feel wistful, even nostalgic for times you know were not good. You will feel guilty and sorry that your children are "children of divorce." You will wake up crying at 3:00 or 4:00 a.m., mourning what was and that something fundamental to your existence is over.
I'm not saying that these are the end-all and the answers to your problems. I just feel like I know how kids of divorce think, and I know that if I were a kid, these are things that would comfort and soothe me tremendously.