Funniest Tweets From Women

"Putting on and taking off a sports bra counts as exercise. Don’t @ me."
"I’ve never been held hostage, but I have gotten trapped in my own sports bra while getting undressed."
"I have 80 unread emails and obviously the only solution is to chuck my computer into the sea."
"The phone camera arms race really overestimates the degree to which i want to see my own face in high definition."
"I showed a photo of J.Lo in 'Hustlers' to both my trainer and my financial advisor, so what I'm saying is, my body is ready."
"Forever 21 sounds more like a witch’s curse than a clothing store."
"Being an adult is basically just lemon water and disappointment."
"No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don't want to go in the first place."
"Being an adult is saying 'I can't believe it's (x month) already' over and over and over until you die."
"Welcome to adulthood. Freezer space is now a commodity."
"Have officially reached the age where my idea of wildly indulgent luxury is having a pair of reading glasses in every room of my house."
"Not sure anything or anyone has ever disappointed me as much as that Instagram swimsuit everyone loves."
"I can’t decide what the best soccer movie is: bend it like beckham, she’s the man, or ashlyn harris’s instagram stories."
"Currently deciding if I should save up for a tattoo or a nice vacuum what a curious life phase this is."
"I didn't mean to like your selfie I was just trying to get dried salsa off my phone."
"I live in constant fear of the return of low rise denim."
"No one’s going to look at the Mueller Report until someone turns it into a musical."
"The biggest problem with eating healthy is that I don’t wanna do that."
"{extremely White Snake voice at 3am} Here I go again on my phone"