What if a guy isn't a top, a bottom or even versatile? What about gay men who have never engaged in anal sex and never will, ever? I think they deserve a name of their own. I call them "sides," and they typically struggle with tremendous feelings of shame.

The truth is that gay men are connoisseurs of pleasure and geniuses of animal satisfaction, but there's one area where we haven't moved an inch: emotional intelligence. Though sexually sophisticated, many of us are emotionally naïve. Gay men have a blind spot against self-restraint.