Funniest Tweets From Women

"(me staring down a long line of red flags) omg a parade"
"Why are you, as a recipe, lying about how long it takes to cook onions?"
"Microdosing vacation by dissociating at work"
"people are anxious & rude, there’s a lot of coughing, and sandwiches cost $15. we are living in airport times."
"Ok I’m gonna start books as soon as I finish the internet"
"Everyone compliments the jumpsuit when you wear it out — but when you get to the bathroom it’s just you and your choices"
"Free iced coffee today at Dunkin if you let them swipe your credit card !!!!"
"The four seasons are depression, allergies, tomatoes and spooky"
"sorry i was weird last night. it was to move the plot forward"
"I’ve been described as 'introverted' by dozens of men I didn’t want to talk to."