Elvin Snowdin wants out of the Northern Surveillance Agency.
Trent Baskerville is home in time for Christmas.
Receiving toys and opening presents is great, but it's fleeting and only a small piece of the big picture. Santa reminds us to reconnect to our childlike awareness so that we notice the love and magic in our everyday lives.
The NSA was present at the discussion with Mr. Claus because we have so far utterly failed in our efforts to intercept and decode the "naughty and nice" database used at the North Pole. We felt this would be well within the national security interests of the government.
This skinny-jeans-wearing, hipster Santa can be easily lured by Instagram pictures of milk and cookies. Wait for him by your bedroom window, since there's no chance he'll climb down the chimney and ruin his outfit, and the main door is too mainstream for him.
If the NSA is monitoring my phone calls I worry that they might not be correctly hearing what I'm saying. And, if this is the case, I worry even more, about what the resulting impact on my beloved U.S. of A. might be.
In other fun Santa news, Federal Trade Commission Chairman Jon Leibowitz "announced" a fine against ole' Kris Kringle for
Yes, my daughter is a rare eighth grader who still believes in Santa Claus. Despite the naysayers at school, you see, she has proof of Santa's existence.
Kris Kringle died last night at his home in the North Pole. He is best known for his work as "Santa Claus" and "Saint Nicholas." When sarcasm grew in the 80s, his career tanked, marred by low-budget films starring Tim Allen.