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lice
You're probably already familiar with head lice (whether you've had it yourself, or know someone who has). But have you heard of sea lice? If you've got any beach plans this summer -- particularly in Florida or elsewhere in the Gulf of Mexico or the Caribbean -- listen up.
Under the glare of the fluorescent lights, and against the contrast of the white paper towel, the bug took its full, wretched, kinetic form. It was phase 44 all over again. I gagged.
WHAT'S HAPPENING
WHAT'S HAPPENING
Let's all move to Michigan.
If you want to capture someone's attention, walk into Target and ask the clerk, "On what aisle would I find products to kill..." then whisper the rest in her ear. Ten people will follow you around the store.
With a squirt of conditioner and swipe of a fine-toothed comb she declared, "He's got it. And it looks like he's got it bad." And so it was that our collective Christmas cheer went up the chimney faster than old St. Nick.
No, we are not festering beneath a pile of bugs at the present moment. In fact, the LiceEnders ladies came to my kids' public school yesterday and did not find lice on my children, just a week after we found them. But oh, what a week it has been.
The case of red wine is the most obvious item. It will gently soothe you as you handle the immense guilt that comes with realizing you and your family members are dirty, foul sloths who should be ashamed of yourselves for having kids in the first place.
