"I don't send sexy pictures. I mean, that's like a virtual hickey," began *Stephanie, the most logical of my college friends. "Someone has marked their territory on you. They own your image." It was sound advice. I probably should have followed it.

I know you probably mean this question as a compliment. But if that's the case, just tell me I'm pretty or I'm kind or I'm... whatever. Just affirm me for what you see instead of interrogating me about why a man didn't see it, too.

Well, the acting-insane part I knew I could handle. It was the "ten days" that were problematic for me and -- let's be real -- the structural integrity of this movie. Quickly repulsing somebody would be a snap, but it'd also make for a short flick and a shorter article.