Diving into meditation with Pema Chodron and Chogyam Trungpa, I learned things that might as likely carry me through a horrific news climate as through personal tragedy. So I thought the observations deserved a breakout into successive posts. Up next: The urge to fortify.
Through this experience, I've grown to learn a bit about what it takes to be a better husband when your spouse depends on you to be the caretaker.
Today I had a fight with God when I was driving in my car. Well, I don't really call God God anymore, now that I no longer follow a traditional religious path, so in reality, I yelled at God-Universe-Higher-Power-Guardian-Angel (and yes, I'm still trying out different names).
Pain simply is. It's a natural, normal response to loss. But the literature in the self-help world, in the therapy world, and sadly, yes even in the world of spiritual guidance, is heavy on blame. Grief is considered unhealthy. A "bad" experience.
The Buddhist teacher and author of Fail, Fail Again, Fail Better has advice on how to cope when you can't stop thinking something is wrong with you.
I still suck at being still, but I'm getting better. As the rain continues to fall today, I watch its tiny droplets splash to the ground one after another. I'm appreciating the beauty of this moment and grateful that, at least for a brief moment, I haven't moved yet.
If you are not in the habit of practicing self-compassion this concept will seem foreign and even difficult to embrace, but loosening your grip on fear is a step toward letting go of the guilt. It will often lessen the intensity of the pain. Giving yourself grace is something that will being to open the door to healing.
This year I've had more than my share of disappointments, my own illness and illness of loved ones, and a great deal of sadness, in ways that I never imagined. After speaking with my closest friends they agreed on one thing: Write about it.