Tips on setting boundaries and honoring your own needs.
Being out of integrity has pretty serious consequences for our happiness, and for our relationships. Here's what happens when we aren't being authentic.
No, what do YOU want to do?
If there is one phrase that really bothers me no end, it is the words "What will people think." I heard those words a lot growing up and even as a teenager it didn't sound right or fair that everything I did depended on what people would think.
Growing up in the 1960s, the discipline my parents meted out was cerebral rather than physical. If I became too demanding or too agitated, either my mother or my father would admonish me, mid-tantrum, using a quietly powerful string of words: 'Stop being so selfish,' they would say.
What people pleasers should realize is that they face serious risks. They overcommit their time which creates emotional anxiety. People pleasers feel they have not been true to their feelings and then they become angry with themselves which creates internal stress.
You've probably suspected for a while that you're a People Pleaser. Every time you go out with that friend you no longer really want to keep in touch with. Or every time you agree to babysit your cousin's dog (even though you're not much of a fur-lover yourself). Or whatever this scenario involves for you.
When you truly love your life, you can't help but be happier and experience a greater sense of fulfillment, meaning, and purpose. Polish-born American classical pianist, Arthur Rubinstein was right when he said, "I have found that if you love life, life will love you back."
So what can us people pleasers do about this, you ask? Well, there are a few things...
We teach our kids to share, especially with children who may have less than they do. We teach our kids to cooperate and compromise, especially if they have a tendency to bully for their own way.