ppd

Find your safe space, wherever or whatever or whomever that is, and rest there often. Voice your fears, concerns, failures (which are probably more like "failures"), frustrations, and angers. Say them out loud to someone who will listen without judgment. Don't let those things fester and rot inside your soul. Get them out and get on with your day.
My youngest is now two and a half years old and mothering him, and my two other boys, is the purest joy I have ever known. My first pregnancy was difficult. My second was debilitating. My third almost killed me, but I'd do it all again if it promised even a moment of the joy and love I find in them each day.
It's open to any woman who has ever had postpartum depression.
I looked at this tiny human and felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. No overwhelming joy at finally meeting this person I'd been so excited for in months prior, no lurking sadness about no longer being pregnant and relishing in those shared "inside mommy's belly" moments. Just... nothing.
New research could allow women to get help before they even give birth.