My blog has been quiet for a while. Partly because my professional life has been keeping me pretty busy, and partly because
It takes effort, but it can be done!
We did not ask for our parents to break up. I know that's not entirely fair to you. Because this is your relationship and your life too... but remember, when you signed up to marry my dad, you signed up for us, too.
With time, and plenty of opportunity to move through difficult feelings, your children should find their way toward building lifelong bonds. Meanwhile, slow things down, expect hiccups, and make room for the big feelings that come as tender hearts adjust to changes in life's routines.
Tomorrow you will graduate from elementary school. Tomorrow we will all sit in little folding chairs in the cafeteria, watching proudly as you and your classmates line up and walk onto the stage to receive your diplomas.
If you fall into the trap of behaving like an outsider because that's how you're feeling, you'll only continue the cycle. Focus more on your own life and other aspects of it, enjoying your marriage and friends and focus less on the kids.
Creating a solid foundation for our family is our primary concern, and we appreciate your patience as we grow and learn. Sometimes we just need time to focus on this new family unit. We miss you, and we love you, but we love us most.
Do I mind that my stepkids are referred to as leftover "baggage?" You bet, I do.
Couples planning to blend families often have to make financial arrangements that respect previous relationships with ex-spouses and their families. Issues range from childcare and eldercare to potentially complex matters. That's why involving trained experts in stepfamily financial planning is a must.
Would the comfy lounge chairs and soothing smell of lattes create the kind of inviting atmosphere, where people going through the most challenges conflicts of their lives, could open up and discuss their divorce?
Unless you are truly an "evil stepmother" (and there are some), releasing expectations of acceptance and love from your stepchildren will allow you to focus more on your partner, building a strong and lasting union, which certainly benefits the kids who don't need to go through another horror of a family splintering in different directions.