Tweets Of The Week
"Oh you love me? name three diseases i think i have."
"I’ve been on my last straw for like 300 straws now."
"Ruin your teenager's day by looking in their general direction."
"Everyone thinks they’re resilient until they’re standing in the slightly slower checkout line."
"what doesn’t kill you makes you kind of nervous for the rest of your life."
"Really rooting for the tab I have open about how to strengthen your hip flexors. Hope your time comes, babe."
"Anything can be an UFO if you’re not very curious"
"Can I please just sit on the edge of a crescent moon like once in my life."
"every time I feel bad about how I look in an iPhone photo I remind myself what these cameras do to my girl the moon"
"are you ever telling a story and halfway through you’re like jesus will i ever shut up"