"i dont like when people have tall grandmas"
"My toxic trait is thinking wild animals would sense my kind spirit and leave me alone."
"My fashion decisions have gone from 'Is it cute?' to 'Is it comfy?' to 'Did anybody see me wear this yesterday?'”
"getting botox not for aging reasons but to stop my face from being able to react to things before my brain gets a chance to weigh in"
"there is nothing in the song monster mash that explicitly says it was a dance, it could have been an orgy"
"every time i watch a documentary i think 'where tf was i when all this was happening'"
"Microdosing vacation by dissociating at work"
"Everyone compliments the jumpsuit when you wear it out — but when you get to the bathroom it’s just you and your choices"
"Did it hurt? When I told you to google it and I was right"
"I don’t meditate, but I do sometimes leave my phone in the other room when I’m watching TV, so"