women tweets

"'The Bear' but for that one soft serve ice cream shop in a small town that stays open past 9pm in the summers."
"a woman after accurately assessing the situation: do i sound crazy"
“'so do you have any hobbies' yeah lately i’ve been really into worrying"
"The fitness trainer asked me, 'What kind of a squat are you accustomed to doing?' I said, 'Diddly.'"
"Anything can be an UFO if you’re not very curious"
"i dont like when people have tall grandmas"
"My toxic trait is thinking wild animals would sense my kind spirit and leave me alone."
"My fashion decisions have gone from 'Is it cute?' to 'Is it comfy?' to 'Did anybody see me wear this yesterday?'”
"getting botox not for aging reasons but to stop my face from being able to react to things before my brain gets a chance to weigh in"
"there is nothing in the song monster mash that explicitly says it was a dance, it could have been an orgy"