Tweets Of The Week

"Another week?? Right after we JUST had one?? Okay... not sold on all that but I’ll give it a shot I guess."
"I would like to be cool enough to casually and affectionately call my friends 'bitch' but I think I would mostly just keep apologizing."
"Not fasting this year because I feel like God is the one who needs to atone."
"But does the embarrassing thing that happened twenty years ago think about *me* at 3 a.m."
"That Hakuna Matata sequence where Simba grows up but it’s me turning into my mom."
"Should I live in New York where people think I’m stupid or LA where people think I’m ugly?"
"Whoever hashed a brown. Boy you deserve an award!"
"Why do we call them olives and not Greece’s pieces."
"More like detachment parenting am I right?!?"
"Got a full 8 hours of anxiety last night."