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My First Craigslist Experience Did Not Go Well

My First Craigslist Experience Did Not Go Well
Elford Alley
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"Cheap Kids Toys! I have some cheap baby and kids toys for sell! You can buy them all together or separately. I have a toy kitchen with plastic fruit for $20, a baby swing for $45 (sweet deal!), a baby carrier $5, and a toy easel $5."Not bad, right?
"Cheap Kids Toys! I have some cheap baby and kids toys for sell! You can buy them all together or separately. I have a toy kitchen with plastic fruit for $20, a baby swing for $45 (sweet deal!), a baby carrier $5, and a toy easel $5."

Not bad, right?
"Really Cheap Kids Toys! I STILL have some cheap baby and kids toys for sell! You can buy them all together or separately. I have a toy kitchen with plastic fruit for $15, a baby swing for $40 (sweet deal!), a baby carrier $5, and a toy easel $5 (Crayola brand, too!). I won’t lie, we’re in a bit of a pinch lol. I’m also willing to entertain reasonable offers, so email me or text!"Okay, got a little desperate.
"Really Cheap Kids Toys! I STILL have some cheap baby and kids toys for sell! You can buy them all together or separately. I have a toy kitchen with plastic fruit for $15, a baby swing for $40 (sweet deal!), a baby carrier $5, and a toy easel $5 (Crayola brand, too!). I won’t lie, we’re in a bit of a pinch lol. I’m also willing to entertain reasonable offers, so email me or text!"

Okay, got a little desperate.
"Fuck It, It’s Free! That’s right, you stingy bastards. I tried selling this shit at damn reasonable prices, but no, you wouldn’t bite. So fuck it, it’s all free! What do we have? For starters a toy kitchen. Cost me $50 and I was only going to sell it for $20. Now I’m selling it for nothing because my kids have moved on and I’m tired of looking at it.How about an expensive ass baby swing that said baby barely ever used? Apparently I have the only baby in the nation who couldn’t give two shits about this swing that I was selling for JUST $45 DOLLARS YOU CHEAP BASTARDS!A goddamn baby carrier? $5 bucks. 5 fucking bucks. That was it. Toy Easel? In great shape, also only $5. But to hell with it, just come get the fucking things. They’ll be in the front yard, by the 32-year-old man in a kiddie pool lobbing empty beer cans at passing cars. Fuck you."Not...not my best moment.
"Fuck It, It’s Free! That’s right, you stingy bastards. I tried selling this shit at damn reasonable prices, but no, you wouldn’t bite. So fuck it, it’s all free!
What do we have? For starters a toy kitchen. Cost me $50 and I was only going to sell it for $20. Now I’m selling it for nothing because my kids have moved on and I’m tired of looking at it.

How about an expensive ass baby swing that said baby barely ever used? Apparently I have the only baby in the nation who couldn’t give two shits about this swing that I was selling for JUST $45 DOLLARS YOU CHEAP BASTARDS!
A goddamn baby carrier? $5 bucks. 5 fucking bucks. That was it. Toy Easel? In great shape, also only $5. But to hell with it, just come get the fucking things. They’ll be in the front yard, by the 32-year-old man in a kiddie pool lobbing empty beer cans at passing cars. Fuck you."

Not...not my best moment.
"Just. Take. The Kitchen. So I’m back. Look, I need the kitchen gone. It’s free. It comes with a bag of toy fruit and some toy plates, it’s a sweet goddamn set up for a three-year-old. But for me, it’s a symbol of my failure to raise a little extra cash. Selling a toy kitchen no one uses, how hard could it be? Well, according to Mrs. Fucking Daniels of Sherman, TX it’s not good enough because it no longer has the toy phone. Fuck you! It was a shit phone, it never worked. You gave up a free kitchen for a lack of phone? Fuck off, Mrs. Daniels. Who has a kitchen phone? Is it 1988 in your house, Mrs. Daniels? I don’t care if you see this. I hope you do.Free Kitchen. You know where it is."I need to work on myself.
"Just. Take. The Kitchen. So I’m back. Look, I need the kitchen gone. It’s free. It comes with a bag of toy fruit and some toy plates, it’s a sweet goddamn set up for a three-year-old. But for me, it’s a symbol of my failure to raise a little extra cash. Selling a toy kitchen no one uses, how hard could it be? Well, according to Mrs. Fucking Daniels of Sherman, TX it’s not good enough because it no longer has the toy phone.

Fuck you! It was a shit phone, it never worked. You gave up a free kitchen for a lack of phone? Fuck off, Mrs. Daniels. Who has a kitchen phone? Is it 1988 in your house, Mrs. Daniels? I don’t care if you see this. I hope you do.

Free Kitchen. You know where it is."

I need to work on myself.
"FUCK OFF, MRS. DANIELS I got your texts, Mrs. Daniels. I don’t care who at your church saw the ad. Don’t threaten to send your husband to kick my ass. I’m a handle deep I don’t give a fuck. I’ll kick his ass and send him back to you WITH A FREE KITCHEN! Come on, you got the swing and the carrier and easel, what’s wrong with the kitchen! It even has a little clock and IT FUCKING WORKS! THE CLOCK WORKS, MRS. DANIELS!"Jesus, man.
"FUCK OFF, MRS. DANIELS I got your texts, Mrs. Daniels. I don’t care who at your church saw the ad. Don’t threaten to send your husband to kick my ass. I’m a handle deep I don’t give a fuck. I’ll kick his ass and send him back to you WITH A FREE KITCHEN! Come on, you got the swing and the carrier and easel, what’s wrong with the kitchen! It even has a little clock and IT FUCKING WORKS! THE CLOCK WORKS, MRS. DANIELS!"

Jesus, man.

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