Anxiety In Children: 8 Steps To Calming An Anxious Kid | HuffPost

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Parenting expert Alyson Schafer shares her advice.

Alyson Schafer— The Huffington Post Canada

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It is natural and healthy to experience some anxiousness in our lives. It’s an evolutionary safety survival mechanism, like a smoke detector. You want the warning if there is danger to be avoided.

But for about 20 per cent of children, that smoke detector is set just a little too sensitively. It sounds alarm bells when there is no real impending danger. That can lead to a diagnosis of an anxiety disorder.

If you have an anxious child, you are not alone. Whether it’s just the anxiousness of feeding a goat at the petting zoo, or social anxiety that turns a family gathering into a panic attack, you as a parent are a key player in helping your child cope with their anxiety.

I say cope because it’s important to understand that you don’t want to make their anxiety go away. It’s a warning system. Don’t disable the smoke detector! Instead, we want to teach children how to manage and cope with their anxiety. That requires a parent’s help.

Here are 8 steps to calming an anxious child:

1) Stay calm yourself

Your calmness is infectious. When you are calm, the child has more evidence that things are safe. Your reassuring tone and body posture is calming all on its own.

2) Name what they are experiencing

Crouch down to their level and quietly say, “It looks like you are feeling anxious in your body or perhaps you are having worrying thoughts. Where do you feel it? Does your tummy have butterflies or do your fingers tingle? Is your head thinking ‘oh no, what if, what if?’ What are your worried thoughts saying to you?”

3) Validate their feelings

Regardless of what they answer, or if they say nothing at all, remember that feelings are facts. Their feelings are real. Don’t say, “There is nothing to be afraid of.” Instead re-assure your child that you understand what they are going through: “Sounds like you are very anxious and afraid right now. That is okay. Lots of people feel frightened at moments like this.”

4) Share a story of your own

If you remember a time you had feelings of anxiety that were similar, share a little story about it. Children feel more normalized knowing you experienced the same thing.

5) Assure them you will help them cope

Let your child know they are not facing this challenge alone. Let them know that together you are stronger, and together you can work to help them feel comfortable again. You are a team.

6) Relax

Close your eyes and take deep cleansing belly breaths together. The breaths should be deep enough that you make a little noise when exhaling.

7) Prompt them to stand up to bullying thoughts

Explain to your child that that little voice in their head is like a bully who is trying to ruin their fun. Empower them to stand up to the bully. Explain that they can take the bully’s power away by not obeying him and thinking good thoughts instead. Prompt your child to think of something pleasant and distracting, even if it’s only counting by two’s to 10 or naming 10 kinds of fruits or vegetables.

8) Remind them of past success

It can help a child build bravery when we remind them of their past accomplishments to stand up to their anxiety. If they were afraid to go to Dylan’s birthday party, but had a great time after only five minutes, then perhaps they could take the same approach going into this new friend’s birthday party.

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10 Things You Need To Know About Anxiety

Your Childhood Can Affect Your Anxiety As An Adult(01 of21)

A British study published this year in the American Journal of Psychiatry looked at pairs of adult twins, both fraternal and identical, to see how genetics might influence anxiety. The researchers hypothesized that a child with an identical twin for a father would have the same amount of anxiety as their father (or his twin) if the trait is only genetic— he or she would share the same amount of DNA with either of those adults. But they found that when it came to anxiety, children had more in common with their own parents than than they did with their parent’s twin, indicating that the relationship between the parents and children was an important factor in predicting future anxiety. If you’re suffering from anxiety, seeking treatment won’t just help you but it may benefit your children in the short and long term as well. (credit:Shutterstock / Oleg Golovnev)

Pets Can Help Anxious Children(02 of21)

If you have a beloved pet, you know that it’s good for your quality of life. It’s just nice to have your dog greet you when you get home from work, or your cat cuddle at your feet when you go to bed. But research shows that a pet can be helpful for your mental health too. One recent study found that pets can help lower social anxiety in children with autism, for example. Researchers at Purdue University measured reductions in stress levels for children aged five to 12 and with autism when they were exposed to companion animals including cats, dogs, and guinea pigs. (credit:Daniela BlatovÃ¡/500px)

Anxiety Can Affect Your Physical Health(03 of21)

Untreated anxiety and depression can have negative effects on your physical health as well as your mental health, which is one more reason why access to psychiatric care is so important. For example, research from the University of Edinburgh released this month found that people with anxiety or depression may have a higher risk of dying from liver disease. The connection is not yet clear and more research is needed on the biological links between liver disease and psychological distress, but the findings are considered the first to find a potential link between the two. (credit:Shutterstock / Elena Elisseeva)

And Your Environment Might Affect Your Anxiety Levels(04 of21)

Air pollution has already been linked to serious health problems like asthma and heart attacks, and one new study found that particulate air pollution could also be linked to our mental health. Researchers from Johns Hopkins University found that exposure to fine particulate matter air pollution could cause or intensify anxiety as it causes increased oxidative stress and inflammation in the body. It’s also possible that air pollution could increase anxiety by aggravating chronic health conditions. (credit:shutterstock)

Anxiety Disorders Affect Millions Of Workers(05 of21)

Research released in May found that 4.3 Americans with full-time jobs — or 3.7 per cent of adult workers--experienced an anxiety disorder over the previous year. The rate was even higher for those who didn’t have full-time employment: the rate of anxiety disorders in the past 12 months was 5.6 per cent for part-time workers, 6.9 per cent for the unemployed, and 8.9 per cent for those out of the workforce. And anxiety disorders themselves can make it hard to gain or maintain adequate employment. (credit:Getty Images)

Parents May Be Missing Anxiety In Their Children(06 of21)

Nobody knows a child better than his or her parents, but even attentive parents may be missing signs of anxiety in their kids. One study done by Yahoo Parenting and Silver Hill Hospital found that some parents are in denial that their children may be suffering from anxiety or depression. The researchers found that while almost two thirds of the parents they surveyed think their teen child is suffering from anxiety or depression, and nearly half of those teens have talked to their parents about their mental-health issues, only 18 per cent of those teens have received a diagnosis. The good news is that most parents notice their children’s struggles, and many teens feel comfortable talking to their parents about their mental health. It’s important to follow through if you suspect your own child is struggling, because quality care is available and can help. (credit:Alamy)

College Students Are Increasingly Facing Mental-Health Issues(07 of21)

A new survey from the University of California (UC) indicates that post-secondary students are increasingly dealing with mental-health issues, including anxiety disorders. The UC survey found that incoming college students in 2014 had the lowest self-rated emotional health in the nearly 50 years of the survey’s history. Their worries include anxiety about their ability to find gainful employment after graduation, years in the future. (credit:Frank Gaglione)

Bullying Can Cause Anxiety Into Adulthood(08 of21)

It’s no surprise that bullying can cause anxiety in children who experience it, but new findings indicate that it can affect mental health even into adulthood.The study also notes the effect is stronger for children who are bullied by peers. A study published this year in Lancet Psychiatry found that children bullied by their peers are at a higher risk for the development of mental-health problems in early adulthood when compared to those who are bullied or emotionally abused by an adult. The findings make it clear that bullying is a serious issue that can have long-term health effects, even when it’s among children.

There May Be A Link Between Anxiety And Domestic Violence(09 of21)

Research done in the U.K. and published this year in BMJ Open found that men who self-reported abusive behaviours towards their romantic partners were three to five times more likely to report symptoms of anxiety than non-perpetrators. The findings are consistent with past research that has found that men who either have experienced or perpetrated domestic abuse are more likely to experience mental-health issues like anxiety. Studies like these show that doctors treating men for anxiety disorders would be wise to ask about domestic abuse, the researchers said. (credit:Hibr/Flickr)

Anxiety Is Bad For Your Dental Health(10 of21)

Bruxism — more commonly known as tooth grinding — can lead to a host of dental issues, including headaches, jaw pain, loss of tooth enamel, tooth decay, and even tooth loss. And people suffering from social anxiety often experience bruxism, even if the bouts of anxiety are short term. More than 40 per cent of the study participants with a diagnosed social phobia showed moderate to severe dental wear, compared to just over one quarter of the subject without a phobia. And 43 per cent of the group with social anxiety reported experiencing bruxism while awake, compared to only three per cent of those in the control group. People who grind their teeth while awake are sometimes unaware they’re doing it at all, since it tends to be quieter than bruxism that occurs during sleep. (credit:Getty Images)

(11 of21)

Trouble Sleeping(12 of21)

Are you sleeping six or eight hours? Or are you tossing and turning every night with worry? If your sleep is accompanied by respiratory problems like snoring, difficulty breathing, muscle weakness or daytime sleepiness, talk to your doctor about anxiety, says Dr. Prakash Masand, a psychiatrist and president of Global Medical Education based in New York City. (credit:LWA via Getty Images)

Stressed Out(13 of21)

If you're constantly feeling stressed out about your work life, family life or personal life, it may be a symptom of anxiety. Experts say if your stress is long-term, it could leave you more vulnerable to anxiety and depression. (credit:Jetta Productions via Getty Images)

Burned Out(14 of21)

Not only are you stressed out, but your body also feels like it is burning out and shutting down. Masand says if you feel overworked and it is continuously getting in the way of your day-to-day functioning, it could be anxiety. (credit:Sam Edwards via Getty Images)

Scared, Worried Or Frightened(15 of21)

If you're constantly and unexpectedly worried, scared or frightened by something with an uncertain result, it could be a sign of anxiety, Masand says. Worrying can be reduced by observing your thoughts and feelings and learning how to take control and accept your current situation — as opposed to being fearful of it, according to PsychCentral. (credit:Martin Barraud via Getty Images)

Stomach Knots(16 of21)

If you experience stomach knots or upset stomachs that are sudden, it could be another symptom of anxiety. Masand says if your stomach difficulties are also followed by diarrhea, severe constipation, nausea or vomiting, speak to your doctor to rule out other medical conditions. (credit:Piotr Marcinski via Getty Images)

Chest Tightness(17 of21)

Masand says you should also be mindful of chest tightening and other symptoms related to breathing and your heart. This may include shortness of breath, sweating, nausea, pressure or fullness in the centre of the chest and/or a radiating chest, arms or back pain. If you have these associated symptoms, you need to seek emergency care immediately. (credit:laflor via Getty Images)

Headaches(18 of21)

You may get a headache from time to time depending on your workflow or sleep routine, but Masand says if your headaches are common and also include weakness, dizziness or loss of sensation, talk to your doctor about getting diagnosed. (credit:Colin Hawkins via Getty Images)

Palpitations(19 of21)

Along with chest tightness, palpitations and irregular heartbeats are also common signs of anxiety. For some, palpitations can be common — you may feel a sensation of fluttering, throbbing, flip-flopping, or pounding in your heart, according to Harvard's Family Health Guide. (credit:Peter Dazeley via Getty Images)

Panic Disorder(20 of21)

Panic disorder is an anxiety disorder where people experience unexpected and repeated panic attacks from time to time, according to Anxiety BC. Masand says this psychological symptom can also include being worried, scared or irritable. (credit:Compassionate Eye Foundation/David Oxberry/OJO Images Ltd via Getty Images)

Shaky(21 of21)

Besides blurred vision, if your sight is shaky and you have a hard time keeping your train of thought together, Masand says it may be a sign of anxiety. You may feel shakiness in your arms, legs, fingers, toes or your whole body at once. (credit:StefanieDegner via Getty Images)

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