How To Cope With Going To A Party Alone | HuffPost

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It can be downright terrifying.

Joy D'Souza— HuffPost Canada

For people with social anxiety, going to a party can be pretty overwhelming, but for those who have to go alone — it can be downright terrifying.

Your first instinct might be to skip it, but it's perfectly OK if you aren't quite ready to step outside of your comfort zone. But for those who are (or those who just couldn't bring themselves to RSVP 'No'), there are ways to make yourself a little more comfortable when going to a party solo, and they don't involve bribing a friend to come along.

"Going to parties can be very challenging for individuals experiencing social anxiety," Sandy Kiaizadeh, life coach and clinical director of Toronto Mindful Solutions Clinic, tells HuffPost Canada. "Typically, the underlying issue is one of shyness, and/or a fear of being observed and/or judged by others and/or having to perform in front of others."

For people with social anxiety, a judgmental inner voice might try to persuade them to stay at home to avoid embarrassment. Quieting that inner voice isn't easy, so Kiaizadeh suggests using calming mindfulness strategies such as meditation and deep breathing.

"Much like we wouldn't expect to be able to run a full marathon without first learning to jog for one minute at a time, we can't expect a person with social anxiety to be able to 'suck it up' and attend a party alone," she says.
"A more reasonable goal-setting plan may start with developing confidence in other, less odious, social interactions, like, for instance, beginning a casual conversation with an acquaintance... and maybe by Week 3, the goal may be working up the confidence to casually talk to a stranger while in line at the grocery store. Week 6 might be something more challenging, for example, going to a party with a friend, and engaging in small talk with a group of people with the assist of said friend, and so on and so forth until we reach the ultimate goal of being able to attend a party solo without debilitating anxiety."

Don't have six weeks before the party? Try these tips from Redditors and forum users on SocialAnxietySupport.com who've managed to curb their social anxiety and attend more parties alone.

Think About Why You Want To Go

"If you are going just to meet people, you are putting control in other people's hands. You have to want to have a good time. If you get nervous about the idea, then you aren't in the right mindset to go, because you're doing something you don't want to do. You have to take out the variables that make you afraid." Via Anon7.

Arrive Early

"If you get there early (i.e. arrive right on time, your host might not appreciate [it] if you get there earlier than the start time), there will be fewer people at the event. So, if you're like me, you'll have an easier time getting to know people when it's a smaller and more manageable group. Once you get there, take the extra time to get to know the hosts and the few people who might have also shown up right on time. Once the party gets into full swing, you'll be comfortable with those people, and you'll feel more confident talking with the guests who arrive later." Via pizzaguy.

Be Useful

"Man the grill, stand behind the bar, pass some hors d'oeuvres. It's a quick way to become familiar with people and makes you feel less awkward." Via Lordica.

Fake It 'Til You Make It

"I walked around with my head high. I never looked at my phone when I felt uncomfortable. I always listened attentively even though I may not be interested and over time, people picked up on that. I feel like, after a while of faking confidence, you start to become confident. I don't know if this helps, but in my situation, I focused on my posture and how I presented myself and it really helped." Via Fender2322.

Prepare Talking Points

"The trick is to remember your talking points when you are flustered. In a situation like this, I would write down some things I saw on Reddit before I went to the party." Via MrRuby.

But Let Them Do The Talking

"I spend time getting to know one or two people really well, asking a lot of questions about what they like and being genuinely and sincerely interested in learning more about their lives, experiences and opinions." Via tengolacamisanegra.

Also on HuffPost

Dating Tips For People With Anxiety

Think Location First(01 of10)

"Consider where you feel most comfortable and go on your first date there,” says psychologist Kimber Shelton. "Being in a setting that you know and feel comfortable with can help to minimize potential surprises or unexpected issues that can increase an already stressful situation.” If you hate crowds, avoid stuffy restaurants. If you don’t like noisy settings, skip the first date at a concert hall. (credit:Inti St Clair via Getty Images)

Put Tech To Use(02 of10)

If you’re using apps to help you date, why not also look at ones that can help you manage anxiety? "Anxiety management apps can help you identify your anxiety triggers and ways to overcome them,” Shelton says. Look for apps like Headspace for meditation, or Pocket Yoga for yoga. (credit:Peathegee Inc via Getty Images)

Do Breathing Exercises(03 of10)

Taking some slow, deep breaths can help calm your racing brain. Here’s a method life coach Pedro Pinto suggests: sit in a comfortable upright position; breathe in and out slowly five times, with your eyes open; then close your eyes and breath normally, paying attention to the air going in and out. "You'll feel lighter, focused and less anxious about the date,” he adds. (credit:Matt Carr via Getty Images)

Get Outside Help(04 of10)

These days you can get a virtual assistant to do anything for you —including coach you on dating. Hiring a virtual dating assistant is a way to assess your anxiety with a neutral party. "That way you never worry what to say in a message, you never face rejection, and all you have to do is show up to the date,” says virtual dating assistant Michelle Malawer. (credit:Sam Edwards via Getty Images)

Pay Attention To Your Signs(05 of10)

It can sometimes be hard to tell anxiety and excitement apart. "When you feel anxious your heart may race, your palms can become sweaty, and you can get butterflies in your stomach,” Shelton says. "These are the exact same physical reactions you can have when you feel excited!” Take a second to check in with yourself and see what your body is really telling you. (credit:m-imagephotography via Getty Images)

Get Your Pals Involved(06 of10)

Sitting at home swiping at Tinder or reading Match.com profiles can add a whole new layer of anxiety and overthinking to the exercise. "Instead of combing through profiles alone, get with some friends and swipe through profiles,” Shelton says. "Not only will this be fun, friends might also see warning signs you missed." (credit:Michael H via Getty Images)

Run It By A Friend(07 of10)

Not sure how to read a conversation? Getting a weird feeling about a potential date? Ask someone you trust what their sense of the situation is. “Run your online conversation by a friend to get their perspective on going out with the person,” Shelton says. "A second opinion can help decrease your anxiety and help you feel more comfortable with your dating decisions." (credit:XiXinXing via Getty Images)

Fake It Till You Make It(08 of10)

"Acting 'as if' is a common psychological exercise where you act as if you have the skill or confidence level you desire,” Shelton says. Act as if you feel relaxed and confident while you’re on a date — and eventually you really will feel that way, without as much effort. (credit:Wavebreakmedia via Getty Images)

Stand Tall, Really(09 of10)

"Change your body posture and assume a 'power pose' for two minutes,” says Malawer. "Sit with your legs wide apart or go into a bathroom stall and put your hands up in a "V" pose, as if you've just won something huge and are celebrating.” In a well-known TED talk, social psychologist Amy Cuddy explains how a power pose can up your testosterone, and with it, your confidence. (credit:Molly Landreth via Getty Images)

Just Be Honest(10 of10)

Acknowledging your nerves can remove some of that tension, and even help you connect with a date who is also feeling anxious about the experience. "Instead of embodying a sense of confidence, you can simply acknowledge your true feelings,” Shelton says. Seeing how your date handles that information can be a good window into their general ability to empathize. (credit:Portra Images via Getty Images)

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