Miley, Your Dry Humps Are Getting Tired

So, if you haven't seen Miley Cyrus' performance from last night, check it out here. It's entertaining in a feel-awkward-for-the-person-even-though-she's-famous sort of way.

The reason I'm even talking about this is not because I'm appalled or disgusted or offended or scared for the younger generation of women. I'm just so bored with the dry humps, bra/undie performance outfits and lame dance moves accompanied by rigorous tongue air lashings. I like to twerk as much as the next guy, but come on, humping a foamy index finger?

It was interesting when Madonna gave a wedding veil a few air grinds on stage almost thirty years ago. Yes, 30 years. Sure, she was trying to shock and push lines but today, there is no need. We good.

It's getting lame and laughable, please pass it on.

Thankfully we have Lady Gaga. As seen last night, she takes the piss out of all the hair-flipping, butt-shaking babes before her. Notice the fake smile, coconut bathing suit and off-key bellow at the very end of her performance. Pure genius. If there were more artists laughing at the state of our culture, maybe we'd evolve past the crazy (sense sarcasm) and wild (again, sarcasm) images of half naked chicks dancing provocatively on a world wide stage.

I get that Miley has grown up now. She's 20, dancing in clubs with Molly and humping air like a mofo. It's all good. We get that you own the night. You like to party and use bad grammar in order to rhyme but, can I just give you two pieces of advice? 1) Eat a sandwich and 2) For the sake of people your age and everyone with a brain, do something interesting and different next time. I dare you not to hump air once.

By Trish Bentley

The Purple Fig is a community where women share personal and relatable stories; no ego, no shame. We're about life, love and all of the stuff that makes us yearn, squirm, and giggle. These stories make up the authentic and intriguing journey of a woman.

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